A quick disclaimer as we begin…
My personal experiences with women have shaped my impression of “what works.” That’ll be the same for any guy who holds himself out as a coach on this topic. We’ve all had various successes and failures that have been personal to us. And that influences what’s taught.
As I mentioned before, the principles of attraction between men and woman are largely timeless, but there are plenty of nuances when you get down to a more detailed level.
For instance, you may gravitate more toward humor in how you interact with women – that’s more my style.
On the other hand, perhaps you’re not as comfortable with humor and prefer something more straightforward.
There are other differences too – like, some guys will be higher energy, others are lower energy. That’s fine.
The point is there’s not “one style” that gets all women. There couldn’t be. Women are complex and unique, and they respond to different types of guys and different personalities.
I’m telling you all this because I want you to do a gut check with yourself about everything we’re going to cover. If something is completely “not you,” that’s okay. I want you to be true to yourself.
But – and this is a huge “but” – you can’t use the excuse of “that’s not my style” to avoid trying something new.
Instead, find a way to try it that works with your temperament.
Bottom line: I’m not here to try to shoehorn you into some specific mold. That won’t work. You need to be you, naturally.
But no free passes. We all must put in the work.
So, if something isn’t your style, identify the underlying concept and then try it with your style.
Okay, with that behind us, let’s dive in.
You’ve Been Lied to By Just About Everyone
Why are so many guys in-the-dark today with women?
Simple – they’re being fed bad information.
It’s coming from fathers and older brothers who never learned the truths themselves… it’s coming from society, that’s pushing its own agendas… and it’s most certainly coming from Hollywood.
In fact, most of the Hollywood paradigms you and I have been exposed to about male/female dynamics and sexual attraction is wrong.
Period.
If you mimic how most of these male characters behave, you’re not going to attract a lot of feminine women. It’s that simple.
Take your average TV sitcom. What do you see?
The dad or male lead is usually a bumbling idiot. Funny? Sure, but is he confident? No. Is he strong? Decisive? Centered? No. He’s a buffoon.
Meanwhile, what’s his wife like?
It turns out she’s often the confident, strong one.
Much of the humor in these shows stems from the guy having some outward goal but he’s afraid his wife won’t let him have it. So, what does he do? He lies to her, coming up with an outrageous scheme.
Of course, the whole thing backfires comedically.
At the end of the show, it all works out, and the guy’s wife loves him despite his buffoonish ways.
It doesn’t work this way in the real world.
When a man acts unsure, insecure, deceitful, and buffoonish, women are repulsed. This behavior kills sexual chemistry and attraction.
Trust me – I’ve acted this way. I know. You will lose.
Now, take the typical romantic movie…
The protagonist falls for a girl. Of course, she’s either with another guy, or she just doesn’t really like the hero at first.
So, what does he do?
He starts pursuing.
Repeated phone calls… showing up at her job or at her social outings when she’s with her friends… writing her a love song or poem… being vulnerable about how much she means to him…
This isn’t what attracts women.
I used to write scripts in Hollywood. Most movies have what’s called a “Three-Act Structure.”
At the end of Act Two, the hero is supposed to have really messed up with the girl; it seems he’ll never get her. This part has an actual name – “All Hope is Lost.” This is when the audience is supposed to be feeling bad for the guy, doubting he’ll be able to win the girl’s love.
You know this part – it’s when the sad music kicks in as the guy trudges through the pouring rain in the middle of the night, lost and alone.
Yet in Act Three, the hero devises a plan to make one last, huge effort to prove himself and win the girl’s love. This effort also has a name in Hollywood – “The Grand Gesture.”
You know this part of the movie too; it’s when the guy sprints through the airport after the girl, catching her just before she boards the plane so he can profess his undying love to her… or when he overcomes his fears, and declares how much she means to him at the school dance in front of an auditorium full of onlookers… or when he bravely stands up to her overly-protective parents to prove his love.
The point is the guy’s grand gesture is what finally wins over the girl. She’s swept off her feet by his grandiose display of affection, instantly falls in love, and they live happily ever after.
This is Hollywood fantasy. Women aren’t attracted to these behaviors!
The problem is this stuff has been shoved down our throats for years, so odds are, you’ve inadvertently “learned” that this is what women want.
Without even thinking about it, you may have been modeling this type of behavior in your own life, believing it’s how to “get the girl.”
It’s not.
When a woman pulls away from a guy, yet he pursues her even harder, it doesn’t enhance her interest in him, it’s the opposite – it kills whatever remaining spark she might have left.
Worse, when he keeps pushing forward, it actually scares her. When taken too far, she gets a restraining order.
Think about it – a woman tells a guy “I don’t think we should go out again,” then later notices him standing outside her apartment in the rain, staring longingly into her window.
While that might make for a scene in a romantic comedy, just add scarier music and suddenly you have a horror movie.
Bottom line: Hollywood and society have been feeding you the following false truths:
Guys should pursue women and not take “no” for an answer, because she’ll eventually respond to persistence.
Guys should declare their real, raw feelings to women, because women value sensitivity, and will be attracted to the naked vulnerability.
Guys should be nice, putting women’s needs above their own. This will prove the man’s worthiness, and as a result, she’ll fall in love.
Take this in…
It’s bullshit. It doesn’t get the girl.
So Why is This False Message Out There?
I won’t spend tons of time on “why” because it doesn’t matter all that much. What matters is your understanding of the truth.
But just so you’re not left wondering, the primary reason you’re getting these incorrect messages is an offshoot of feminism that's gone a bit too far.
For anyone who’s unclear, the feminism (original feminism) is the advocacy of female rights and equality. At its core, it’s noble, good, and something that deserves men's support. Striving for equality between the sexes is absolutely correct when it comes to things like opportunity, compensation, and respect.
But feminism – or rather, a specific, narrower type of modern feminism – is not right when it tries to equalize or “balance out” the essence of masculinity and femininity.
Men and women complement each other wonderfully, but we’re definitely not equal. We’re not the same.
Masculinity is about striving to accomplish a goal. It’s about breaking through barriers, stretching, achieving, be willing to fight and take risks in pursuit of a noble goal or purpose.
Femininity is more often about connecting and nurturing. It’s about opening up to give and receive love, establishing relationships and bonding, restoring, healing, expressing creativity.
Obviously, with those definitions, masculinity and femininity are not the same.
To be clear, one is not better than the other – they’re complements. Plus, men and women possess both masculine and feminine traits, and to different degrees.
I’m sure you could think of some guys you know who seem to have more feminine qualities. You could probably also think of a woman or two who seems more masculine.
All that said, I’m assuming you’re more comfortable living in your masculine essence, and you’re romantically interested in a woman who's more comfortable in her femininity.
To be clear, this is not a male/female thing. In gay and lesbian relationships, you'll often find a similar polarity between one partner who has more masculine traits, and the other who has more feminine traits.
The reason for this, even in same sex couples, is because the greater the contrast between the masculine and the feminine, the better-suited the conditions are for romantic attraction to develop.
Occasionally, you might see a man with more feminine qualities in a relationship with a woman with more masculine qualities. Although not traditional, this relationship could work if the polarity is great enough and it remains.
But if both people in the relationships are "middle of the road" when it comes to their masculinity/femininity, more times than not, it won't allow for enough masculine/feminine polarity to support a romantic relationship.
To drive home the importance of masculinity in attracting a feminine woman, let’s flip it around and begin with you and your attraction toward femininity.
Imagine Woman A, who wears high heels and a tight dress that show off her attractive physique. She has long, flowing hair that always looks shiny and smells great.
When you’re with her, she loves to hold your hand and lay her head on your shoulder. She likes it when you plan dates and lead her through the evening. She’s appreciative, thoughtful, and defers to you.
Woman B wears executive pantsuits that hide her figure. She wears her hair cut short at the shoulders and isn’t big on wearing makeup.
On dates, she’s rarely touchy-feely and doesn’t really have a softness about her. She’s certainly not a “holding hands” kind of woman.
She prefers planning all your dates, then telling you what you’re going to do. After all, she calls herself a “boss babe” who likes being in control. So, she’s the one who makes the decisions.
Which woman are you more attracted to right now?
If you’re a man that’s more in his masculine, you’re going to be more attracted to Woman A. That’s because she is exhibiting more feminine qualities, which balance your masculinity.
Woman B probably sounds rather unattractive to you. That’s because she’s exhibiting lots of masculine qualities, which you already have.
The more masculine characteristics that you have, the more wired you are to be attracted to a woman with more feminine qualities. You need that balance.
It works the exact same way for feminine women.
Imagine a very feminine woman who begins dating a new guy. Over the first few dates, she realizes that he's very compliant, agreeable, and willing to relinquish control to her.
While a masculine woman might find these softer characteristics more attractive, a woman with more femininity will likely not find this attractive.
When a man starts acting soft, focusing excessively on the relationship, behaving unsure of himself, making her his number-one priority, doing all he can to please her at the expense of his own needs, it will be a massive turnoff to a feminine woman.
Why?
Because he’s not exhibiting the strength and masculinity that a feminine woman finds attractive.
Instead, he’s exhibiting femininity – but she’s already feminine. She has enough of that. She wants masculinity in her man.
Understanding “Alphas” and “Betas” in Attraction
Two terms that tie into this discussion of masculinity are “alpha” and “beta.”
Think of an “alpha” male as a guy living fully in his masculinity. He’s a strong, decisive leader who goes after what he wants despite risks and fears. This is what studies reveal that feminine women are most attracted to from a sexual perspective.
(Other studies show that women can find the financial and emotional provision from a man with more beta characteristics attractive in a longer-term relational sense. But this type of attraction isn't as romantic/sexual in nature.)
A “beta” male doesn’t possess quite the same assertive strength as a traditional alpha. He typically defers to the alpha male. His softer characteristics are the same qualities that many movies and society tell you women want.
Now, I’m not saying women don’t value certain beta qualities – they do, especially in committed relationships. But right now, we're talking about the core of their initial, sexual attraction. It stems from your masculine, alpha characteristics. Nature has made it this way over many thousands of years.
It’s interesting – if you watch movies from the ‘50s and ‘60s, before the second wave of feminism began changing this male/female sexual dynamic, you’ll see the alpha male archetype was far more pervasive.
In those older movies, the men usually embodied masculinity to a greater degree than many leading men in today’s movies. They were strong, decisive, and not afraid to take risks. They were focused on achieving some goal or purpose – not on winning over a woman.
In many of those movies, the female character was the one who was chasing the man. She pursued him, trying to establish the connection.
If you're interested in traditionally-feminine women, then we want to develop this masculine strength inside you. You need to embrace your inner alpha. That’s what we’re going to achieve together.
So, here’s our first takeaway:
You’ve been fed mistruths about what women find attractive.
Erase them, and let’s start over.
The truth is that feminine women are more sexually attracted to men who show strong alpha, masculine traits.
A feminine woman is less sexually attracted to men who show feminine traits. Examples include (but aren’t limited to) uncertainty, fear which leads to waffling and inaction, hesitation, softness, needing clarification about how a woman feels, excessive sensitivity manifested as easily bruised feelings, and being “nice and sweet.”
These behaviors do not increase her attraction, despite what the movies, TV shows, your parents, your church, and society at large have told you.
Let’s begin fixing the knowledge gap right now. No more misinformation.
Break out your notebook. Remember, only reading this content isn’t enough. You must act. You must be a participant in your own improvement.
Want more free content?
Whatever your challenge, we’ve got you covered.
And when you sign up for our mailing list, we'll send you free dating/pickup/relationship content right to your inbox. Unsubscribe anytime. Click here to visit the homepage and scroll down where you'll find our email sign-up.
NOTE: At this point in the full course, there’s a written assignment. To upgrade to the full version, click here.
Comments