Let’s take a minute to talk about “bad boys” versus “nice guys” since it ties in here.
Many guys have a misconception about the “bad boy.”
I don’t believe that the type of woman you’re going to want (a quality, confident woman with high self-esteem) is someone who truly wants a real asshole.
I’m talking about the type of guy who will lie, cheat, treat her poorly, and so on.
Yes, some women do want this, but these women aren’t emotionally healthy.
As I wrote earlier, I believe what emotionally healthy women are labeling as “bad” in a “bad boy,” is actually indifference.
The indifferent guy isn’t all over her… blowing up her phone… instantly responding to her texts… barfing up sugary professions of his love three weeks into dating her.
Instead, he’s putting his own needs first… not bending over for her… not eagerly fulfilling her every little request.
He’s simply going about his life first, while putting his relationship with her second.
Most ‘bad” behavior isn’t really bad. It just gets called that because its opposite is the classic “nice guy” behavior.
Being the proverbial “nice guy” rarely gets you anywhere with women. But let’s not misunderstand being “nice.”
There’s nothing wrong with being a good guy. The problem is when niceness goes too far.
And that happens when guys show no backbone, they’re afraid to stand strong in response to bad behavior by women, and when they put the woman’s wants above their own needs.
For example, it’s like the woman saying…
“Oh, thanks for not holding me accountable for rescheduling our date after I cancelled at the very last-minute tonight…for the second time in a row. You’re such a nice guy.”
Or…
“Thanks for being willing to be late to watch the game with your friends, because I needed a guy to hang my new painting on my wall and I didn’t want to wait until tomorrow. You’re such a nice guy.”
Or…
“Thanks for picking up the tab for me and my girlfriends, even though, suspiciously, I only invited you for the last 30 minutes, and we’ve been here for 3 hours. You’re such a nice guy.”
None of those actions from the guy is actually “nice” behavior. It’s spineless behavior.
It’s behavior that shows a man not respecting himself, not living in his masculine.
And when a guy doesn’t respect himself, you can be damn-well sure she won’t either.
An indifferent guy who isn’t concerned about pleasing the woman, isn’t going to do any of this.
He’s going to put his own needs first most of the time.
“No, I don’t want to reschedule any more dates. This is twice in a row now, and my time is more valuable than this.”
“No, I’ll help hang your painting tomorrow. I’ve already made plans with my friends tonight.”
“No, I’m happy to pick up the tab when I take you on an actual date, but buying drinks for all of your friends isn’t something I’m going to do.”
If these responses result in a woman calling you an asshole, or a “bad” boy, so be it.
The world is filled with nice guys – men who would be happy to buy a woman presents, shower her with compliments, and put her needs above their own.
Truth is, however, that many women find this boring, despite what they may say. As creatures of emotion, many women are put to sleep by this one-dimension kind of guy.
On the other hand, a “bad boy” who puts his needs first… who isn’t afraid to tell her “No” … who isn’t afraid to offend her…
That guy intrigues her and activates all her emotions.
Remember, woman have emotion-based operating systems, so they’re drawn to whoever can help them feel a full spectrum of emotion.
The nice guy only offers her one emotional wavelength – “nice” – and that gets boring fast.
What Women Really Mean When They Say “Nice”
When you hear a high-quality woman say “I want a nice guy who treats me well” she’s not lying.
But there’s usually a hidden assumption that she’s not articulating.
When a woman says this, she’s usually assuming that she already likes the guy. She’s assuming she already feels a physical attraction to him.
She is not speaking about the unattractive, yet very nice, bag boy at the grocery store. That guy doesn’t even show up on her radar as a potential romantic prospect.
So, when she says she wants “nice,” that’s after she’s already narrowed down her dating pool from billions of guys to the tiniest subset of guys who meet her criteria.
At that point – after they’re handsome enough, ambitious enough, mysterious enough, confident enough, and so on – that’s when she also wants “nice.”
Be clear about what this means…
“Nice” isn’t where you start.
Remember, women heat up slowly like ovens. And what turns up the oven’s heat?
It’s not being “nice.” It’s when she feels uncertain about your feelings.
She wants uncertainty, excitement, and mystery.
Be nice…but be nice later. At the beginning, be interesting.
One Final Reason to Kiss Your Inner “Nice Guy” Goodbye
One of the things that women like most about bad boys is they’re genuine.
If they don’t like something, they’re going to say it. If they don’t want to go somewhere, they won’t.
Because they’re not afraid to do what they want (which could conflict with what the woman wants) it makes women trust them more on some level.
After all, she knows where he stands because he’s not afraid to risk pissing her off by telling her his truth.
Nice Guys don’t do this.
Because of their own experiences and insecurities, Nice Guys have developed the coping mechanism of being “nice.”
They do this because, subconsciously, they feel that being themselves will get them rejected.
“Niceness” is the way they think they’ll win the affection of the woman.
It’s almost like a payment in a transaction.
“I give you niceness in exchange for your romantic interest.”
But being nice when you don’t really feel like being nice is a form of deceit.
Your “nice” external behaviors are lying about your real internal feelings and desires.
So, when nice guys are always nice, women sense that it’s not quite right. They don’t trust it. Even if they’re not consciously aware of it, this makes them raise their guard.
And for good reason…
From a psychological perspective, “nice guys” aren’t necessarily all that nice.
There’s usually some deep insecurities and hurt in the nice guy, and the “nice” behavior is just a means to an end – it’s not truth.
If you suspect you might be a classic Nice Guy, read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. It’ll help.
Bottom line: As a former “nice guy” myself, I promise that you will be happier, have more successes with women, and will get more respect from them, if you let go of trying to please them and always be “nice.”
Focus on being genuine and watch what happens.
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NOTE: At this point in the full course, there’s an assignment that helps address the extent to which you might be a “nice guy,” as well as how to fix it. This is huge. You do NOT want to be spineless nice guy. If you struggle with this, work on it immediately. To switch over to the full version, click here.
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