In our definition of what women are attracted to, I referenced, “confidence,” “strength,” and “fun.”
Let’s cover each one in a bit more detail here, though we’ll be fleshing them all out in way more detail as the course proceeds.
Confidence
You’ve heard it a million times, so I won’t spill tons of ink on it here. The simple reality is that women are drawn to confidence. In fact, it’s the number-1 thing that attracts women.
Unfortunately, a lack of confidence ruins more opportunities with women than anything else.
So, if confidence is something you struggle with, let’s just tackle it right now…
The way to increase your confidence is by doing the thing that scares you, despite being scared.
That’s it. It’s probably not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.
You can’t “educate” yourself to greater confidence. No amount of YouTube videos will get you there.
Nothing grows your confidence in the same way as simply grabbing your balls, and walking directly into the fear, being totally willing to fall on your face.
That’s masculine – that’s facing our fears, overcoming obstacles, and taking action.
The good news is that after you begin taking action, real confidence follows.
Even better, you don’t need mastery, just movement. The key is continually making the effort. Little victories eventually make enormous differences.
So, just focus on getting a little better each day by taking action each day. Hopefully, lots of actions each day.
We’ll be getting far more into “how” in pages to come. We’ll discuss ways to reduce how frightening it can be, so don’t be too freaked out if this is an issue for you.
But the reality is everything else we’ll discuss in this course rests on the foundation of confidence. So, developing it is critical. No way around it.
Strength
Women are very attracted to an emotionally-strong guy. So, what does that really mean?
Well, it means she doesn’t want to be able to push you around in the relationship (even though outwardly, she might be trying to).
It means she wants you to be centered emotionally, not flying off the handle in anger, insecurity, self-pity, or jealousy when she doesn’t behave in the way you want.
It means you’re steady – a rock to which she can anchor herself.
Strength means living your life on your own terms, not someone else’s. It’s tied to knowing your self-worth. When a woman mistreats or disrespects you, your strength is what enables you to call her out or walk away.
The opposite of strength is the proverbial “nice guy.” The guy who believes that by being really sweet to a woman, by putting her needs above his, and by doing things for her it will “win” her love.
It won’t.
Doing those things will actually make her lose respect for you, decrease her interest in you, and destroy whatever earlier attraction there might have existed.
I used to be the poster boy for “the nice guy.” My parents, who are great people, inadvertently instilled in me a message when I was young that “you always defer to women. Their needs come first. Be nice and be sensitive. Don’t hurt her feelings.”
When I grew older, the result of this mindset meant I allowed women to walk all over me.
They’d change dates last minute (which I’d graciously allow, even though it pissed me off) … I’d agree to date activities they’d want (in which I had no interest, just to please them) … and I’d generally make myself available to help them whenever and however (even if it made me late to work or interfered with my own plans).
But here’s the truth…
I wasn’t actually being “nice,” I was being inexcusably weak.
The reality that surprises many guys is that women want you to have a backbone. They want you to tell them “No” when what they’re requesting conflicts with the core of who you are and what you want in life.
They will actually feel more comfortable with you and respect you more when you say “no” to a request that’s at odds with your personal needs and/or values.
Some women are going to intentionally test your strength, putting you in a position to fail (and they’ll do this repeatedly, in many different ways). But here’s what you need to understand…
They’re not doing this because they’re sadistic. They also don’t want you to fail – they’re hoping you’re going to pass, which will increase their attraction to you.
They’re doing this to make sure that you’re the kind of strong man they really want. It’s actually biological and instinctive in nature.
Thousands of years ago, a woman’s survival literally depended on whether she had the protection and resources of a strong man. If she accidentally picked a weak man, it could have endangered her life or the life of her child.
So, when she’s pushing your boundaries, stand up to her. Call her out.
After all, if you don’t stand up to her, why should she believe you’ll stand up to someone else for her?
She’ll also test your strength in order to feel it as a turn-on.
Even though it seems counterintuitive, when she tries to push you around yet you remain strong, she finds it sexy.
So, it changes your entire way of thinking when you realize that many of a woman’s little tests aren’t intended to be “bitchy.” They’re opportunities for you to show strength so that she can feel greater confidence in you and greater attraction for you.
Boiling it down, strength is really about putting yourself and your own needs first. Not caving in when outside pressures try to change your position.
If this sounds selfish, it’s not.
Think of it like a cup of water that you’re trying to pour into a second cup of water. If the first cup is empty, what is there to pour into the second cup?
In the same way, you can’t pour your love, time, and energy into your girlfriend, family, or friends unless you’ve met your own needs first.
So, do not be “the nice guy.”
Be kind, be considerate, be a gentleman as you go about your life, pursuing your goals. But do that for your own sake and your own integrity. Be willing to accommodate occasionally – but never be a weak, spineless yes-man.
Now, strength is also attractive to women, because it’s what fuels ambition (think “masculine purpose”). It takes a strong guy to continue pushing toward his goals/dreams, even when facing long odds and big challenges.
There’s the common belief among guys that women love wealthy men. Sure, some women are materialistic, and will be attracted to a guy purely for his money. But for most women, money itself is not the root cause of her attraction – it’s his strong drive.
She’s turned on by his strength of conviction that he’s going to succeed, no matter what. She loves his willingness to act despite the risks.
There tends to be a causal relationship between guys who have such strength and guys who end up making boatloads of money. So, looking at it from the outside, we get confused and believe that the money is what’s turning the woman on.
Most of the time, it’s not. It’s his ambition – and the root of sustained ambition is strength.
(Technically, the root of sustained ambition is strength intersecting with pursuit of masculine purpose. So, that’s another reason to find your purpose and begin that journey now if you haven’t already begun it.)
Fun
This is really simple, but incredibly important…
Just be a fun, light-hearted guy. After all, love is playful and fun. And at the end of the day, women just want to have fun.
So, laugh, joke, tease, and don’t take her or yourself too seriously.
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NOTE: At this point in the full course, there’s a written assignment that delves into the application of “confidence, strength, and fun” in your own life. To upgrade to the full version, click here.
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