You’re leaving your place to go meet her at the first spot. What are you thinking?
Let’s actually ask the reverse question – what should you not be thinking?
How to impress her… how to make her like you… how she’s hotter than you… how you really need to bring your “A-game” …
You have only two requirements…
1) Do everything you can to have a great time, while paying attention to whether or not she’s contributing to that great time.
2) Evaluate your interest in her, and whether that makes you want a second date.
That’s it.
To the extent you want to introduce any other goals into the evening, make them relative only to yourself. I’m referencing things you can control – your effort, mindset, and actions, etc.
So, let’s delve into mindset…
Try to remember back to Econ class - the concepts of supply and demand that are based on scarcity and surplus.
The quick refresh is that we value things that are scarce, more so than things that are in surplus.
You know, a collectible coin that’s only 1 of 1,000 is way more valuable than a regular penny, which has God-only-knows how many in circulation.
Too many guys approach dates with a scarcity mindset. When this happens, it’s because the guy hasn’t been going on enough dates (or enough quality dates).
This makes them feel “scarce,” which makes them feel more valuable, which increases the pressure the guy feels to make the date successful.
After all, if there aren’t tons of women “demanding” his “supply,” this guy feels pressure to make this one count.
I get it. But the problem is this mindset screws you over before the date has even started. It’s death-spiral thinking.
What happens is this mindset leads to more pressure… which leads to weird behavior on dates that creep women out… which leads to no second dates… which leads to more scarcity… which leads to more pressure when a new date happens… which leads to creepier behavior… and so on, and so on.
As we talked about in one of the early modules, if you think you’re going to fail with a woman, you’re going to find “evidence” in her words and actions that you’re failing.
But if you think you’re going to succeed, you’re going to find “evidence” in the way she’s treating you that you’re succeeding. And whichever one you believe, you’ll be right.
Whatever we focus on tends to expand.
So, it’s important that you go in with an “abundance” mindset.
In other words, you go in thinking that dates are easily attained, women come into your life regularly, and you have abundant options.
With this mindset, you’re going to emit a vibe that says “I’m not sure about you yet. I’m not all that impressed yet.”
When you adopt an abundance frame, it results in a positive behavior spiral.
More dating options leads to less pressure to make any one date good… which leads to natural, laid-back, indifferent, fun behavior on your dates… which leads to more women being attracted to you… which leads to second dates… which leads to more abundance in your dating options… which leads to even less pressure on dates, and so on.
So, mindset is huge.
And hopefully you’re going into this date feeling confident. After all, we’ve had Action Steps/Assignments that have focused on growing your confidence and focusing on evidence that you’re improving with women.
But if you’re feeling nervous, the old “fake it till you make it” plan is your best bet.
Just show up as your best, most confident self, even if it’s an act and you’re feeling nervous on the inside.
Most importantly, stop worrying so much.
If you’re really taking the Action Steps/Assignments seriously, meaning you’re going out and approaching women, expanding your life, meeting them everywhere, improving your flirting/teasing/banter skills, you will get more dates.
That’s just a reality.
That means you don’t need to worry about the outcome of any one, particular one. Others will be coming.
So, take the pressure off.
Just go to see if you like her (for reasons beyond her looks).
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