There’s a second piece of misinformation we need to address.
It’s not so much that you’ve been fed falsehoods like we just covered. This misinformation is more like an omission of information. In other words, too few people really discuss it.
Frankly, that’s a huge disservice to guys, because what we’re about to touch upon is foundational to you achieving successes with women.
Real success with women – the kind we all want, when women seem drawn to you, day in, day out, and they just keep coming into your life effortlessly – is a byproduct of something else.
This kind of attraction occurs when a woman senses a man’s genuine, internal satisfaction with his life and overall life-direction.
It’s when she registers his authentic confidence and happiness in himself. Put another way, this kind of attraction is a byproduct of a life lived for a bigger reason. A goal. The satisfying, confident pursuit of your masculine purpose.
Now, you might be scratching your head, not quite following.
Think of it like this – at your deepest gut level, there’s an activity or interest that just rings true and feels authentically “you.”
Maybe it’s when you play music in your band. Maybe it’s your love for mathematics and numbers. Perhaps you’re in medicine, and you find nothing more fascinating than the human body. Or maybe you’re a writer – you can sit down at your computer and write for five straight hours, but it feels like only a few minutes have passed.
Whatever this thing is that’s “you,” when you take it and turn it into a big, significant, life goal, it becomes your masculine purpose.
So, whether that’s hitting it big with your band, doing world-class mathematics research at a prestigious university, becoming a world-renowned surgeon, or writing a best-selling book, you have a goal toward which you’re striving.
And remember, masculinity is about striving, purpose, and direction. It’s about overcoming obstacles to achieve a goal.
What does any of this have to do with women?
It has everything to do with women.
You see, when you’re living from your deepest, truest self, pursuing some goal that aligns with your talents, interests, and heart, when you’re overcoming challenges as you work to turn your dreams into reality, you’re going to emit a vibe that women will notice and find very attractive. You’ll radiate a contentment, a satisfaction, a genuine confidence…and it will draw many women to you without you having to explicitly pursue them.
Want to see what this looks like in the real world?
Years ago, I worked in real estate development. Much of my job was cold calling people, trying to buy their land so we could develop commercial real estate on it.
I hated it. To me, it was just a job I’d taken to pay bills, as I was still searching for what I wanted to do with my life.
One evening, I was in a bar with a co-worker who was a friend, and we met two girls.
One asked me “So, what do you do?”
I let out an annoyed sigh before I launched in. “We work in real estate – it’s the worst. I have to cold call people all day to try to buy their land, and these people hate getting my calls. Yesterday, I called a name off our list and it turns out the guy was dead. His wife bitched me out for five minutes about how insensitive I was.”
I laughed and waited for her response. My thinking was so misguided at the time that I thought she would laugh and be charmed by my story.
Instead, she frowned and just said “That’s too bad.”
Then, nothing. Awkward silence.
A few seconds later, my buddy joined us with a round of drinks. She turned to him. “So, you guys work together?”
“Oh, yeah,” he replied, with a big smile. “It’s the best. We build these awesome mixed-use developments where you have condos, office space, and these great little boutique shops all together. It’s so cool seeing the projects come to life after working on them for so long. I’m going to start my own company one day.”
He turned to me and kept going as the women listened…
“In fact, I meant to tell you. I have a meeting set up next week with a couple of high-net-worth guys who are maybe interested in bankrolling me. It’s going to be awesome.”
As he kept talking, even I could sense his enthusiasm. This was a guy who loved what he did. His eyes were bright, his voice was energetic, he motioned with his hands, was fully engaged with the subject. He had a big vision of his future real estate company that, I’ll admit, sounded pretty good.
And then I noticed something else: “my” girl – and the other one too, for that matter – had completely rotated their bodies toward him, (boxing me out) leaning in closely, listening with genuine interest. I noticed the expressions on their faces – authentic intrigue.
Now, did they care about real estate?
Highly unlikely.
What they cared about was a guy who was excited, happy, full of energy, had a plan, vision, and drive, and was brimming with enthusiasm for what he was doing with his life.
If I remember correctly, he left with one of them that night. I think I ended up getting a burrito and watching Saturday Night Live alone.
Why Purpose Is So Important
Let’s look at it from the other side. What’s the effect on a woman when she realizes you don’t have a masculine purpose? When you’re just going through the motions in life and at work?
Well, she’s going to say…
“If he doesn’t care enough about himself to go after what he wants, there’s no way he’ll care enough about me to help fulfill my needs.”
“If he hates his job so much, he might get fired. If this relationship ever gets serious and I want a family, how would he contribute financially if he gets fired, or just never promoted, because he just doesn’t care?”
“If he has such little passion about what he does 8 hours a day, it’s a preview of the amount of passion he’s going to focus on our relationship. This means I’m probably going to become bored with this guy.”
Here’s the bottom line...
Your number one goal should not be to “get” a woman. It should be to discover and pursue your masculine purpose.
When you do that, I promise that women will begin to appear in your life simply as a wonderful byproduct.
One final angle on this before we move on…
What’s the effect on you when you do have this big, masculine purpose?
Well, obviously, you’re going to be happier and more fulfilled day-to-day, which makes you a man whom women are going to find attractive and be drawn to. But there’s another huge bonus.
One thing we’ll discuss later – something that has amazing power to attract women – is “indifference.”
I’m referencing a vibe that tells a woman, “Sure, if this works out with you, great. But if it doesn’t, that’s also great. Frankly, what happens between us is not all that important, because I’m happy with or without you.”
Women are powerfully drawn to this “take it or leave it” attitude. The problem is, it’s hard to fake. That’s because when you meet a woman who really blows you away, endorphins flood your body, you lose objectivity, and frankly, your natural tendency is to act like a dopey idiot, making yourself totally available to her all the time.
This makes emitting an “indifferent” vibe challenging. Lots of guys fail here and over-pursue the woman, leading to rejection or friend-zoning.
So, what’s one of the best ways to adopt a genuine mindset of indifference?
By focusing on your masculine purpose. By having a huge life-desire that’s far bigger than your desire for her.
When you wake up every morning, filling your day with all the details and “to do’s” that are a part of accomplishing your purpose, there’s simply less time and mental space for you to become pre-occupied with a woman. The focus on your mission is a natural defense against focusing on her too much.
So, where are you right now with your job and your masculine purpose? If you’re a bit older, where are you?
Are you in a career you no longer enjoy? Did you ever enjoy it? Do you feel roped in?
A lot of times, we climb the corporate ladder and begin making more money, and it acts as golden handcuffs. We like the lifestyle it affords, but we hate the job.
This might not be where you expected to start a course on women, but it’s where we have to start.
Your happiness and sense of purpose is the foundation of her attraction to you.
If this foundation isn’t laid right, all the other concepts we’ll cover will have limited benefit.
Since it’s beyond the scope of this course to delve deeper into this concept, I need to assume that you know what it is that you love to do, you’ve turned it into your masculine purpose, and you’re already working toward it.
If you aren’t, make finding your masculine purpose your primary goal until you do find it.
Believe me on this – when all is said and done, you are going to be far happier, at peace, and content if you have a compelling purpose in life – even with no woman – than you’d be if you flipped that around and had a good woman, but no compelling life purpose.
Find your passion, find your purpose. Women will follow.
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