Okay, let’s start with a quick disclaimer – the following section is targeted toward the guy who hasn’t had quite as much relationship experience.
The goal is to provide an awareness of what to expect in those first five-ish years of a relationship.
Knowing this stuff ahead of time will give you a huge advantage with your girlfriends, and help you keep those relationships going while many of your friends who don’t know this stuff end up acting in ways that hurt their relationships.
That said, if you’re a guy who has had more relationships, you’re likely to find this valuable too. At a minimum, it will refresh you on some of the foundational elements of a healthy relationship.
So, let’s dive on in.
After roughly two months of dating, she brought up “the exclusive talk.” You two are official, which closes the door on the Minefield.
What now?
Well, in a moment, we’re going to look at the first few years of being in a relationship with a woman.
We’ll start broadly – what she’s expecting you to bring to the table (whether she’s conscious of it or not).
Then we’ll dig deeper, discussing a mindset that can help lead to and maintain a healthy, mutually-beneficial relationship.
Then we’ll get even more detailed, going over the ways guys inadvertently mess up their relationships, the realities of day-to-day communicating, how to handle her anger, red flags, and far more.
The goal is to help you navigate the realities of being in a committed relationship with a woman who – because she’s a woman – may rarely see things the way you do.
This will help you avoid the mistakes many guys make which end their relationships (or result in those relationships becoming unhappy).
The second goal of this section is the flip side of this – we want to look at the specific actions you can take to help keep your relationship healthy and both of you happy.
But before we dig into that, let’s address two quick preliminaries: 1) what if you actually don’t want to be exclusive?
And 2) the reality that the infatuation period will end.
When You Don’t Want Exclusivity
I’ve written this course from the perspective of a guy who has the goal of a committed, monogamous relationship with someone special. But that might not be your goal.
Perhaps, you simply want to date multiple women without getting too serious.
If that describes you, you might be wondering how to respond to a woman when she brings up exclusivity, but that’s not what you want.
First, what you won’t do is let her believe you’re willing to be exclusive if that’s not accurate.
Some guys get to this point and want the girl to remain in the picture, but also want to date other women. They fear that honesty will end the relationship with this one particular woman.
And so, they let her believe the relationship has become exclusive although they’re actually dating other women on the side.
Don’t do this.
You owe her honesty – even if it means she’s going to walk away.
Sure, you don’t want that, but if dating lots of women is what’s most important to you, then her walking away is simply the cost of that. Pay it.
Be a man of integrity on this.
So, if a couple months into dating she brings up exclusivity, telling you she doesn’t want either of you to see anyone else, and that’s not what you want, you must be direct with her. Something like:
“Look, you’re amazing. I have a great time when we’re together. And I want us to continue spending time together. But at this point, I’m just not ready for a more serious relationship.
I like what we have now. And this is no reflection on you – I’d be saying this same thing to anyone else because it’s purely me, I’m not ready.
But I have such a great time with you that I hope you’ll decide to continue hanging out just as we’ve been doing.”
This gives her your truth, let’s her know you want your current arrangement to continue, and then puts the ball in her court to make the right decision for her.
If she walks away, you must respect that.
But there’s a fair chance she’ll be open to continued casual dating (for how long is another question).
If she responds by asking if you’re dating other women, you must let her know that you are.
If you’re not willing to be with her exclusively, don’t dance around it. She needs this information in order to make the right decision for her.
So, say your truth and let the cards fall where they may.
The Infatuation Period Will End
It’s important to be realistic about what’s probably going to happen to your emotions over the coming months/years.
If you’ve just become exclusive with someone, and you’re excited about it, odds are you’re in an amazing infatuation stage.
A friend of mine has called this “that magical time in the relationship when everything is lollipops, unicorns, and blowjobs.”
The thing to understand is that it won’t always be this way – yet that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship should end.
You’re not going to remain in this euphoric, head-over-heels state, even with the most wonderful woman in the world. That’s because the rush you’re feeling is an endorphin release in your body that can’t be sustained in perpetuity.
In other words, that euphoric feeling is going to go away – biologically, it has to go away.
It doesn’t mean you’re going to stop finding her attractive and desirable. But that feeling you have now is not going to last forever.
Don’t expect it to.
From a physiological perspective, this chemical release (the infatuation period) served a critical purpose in human evolution.
Namely, it kept couples together long enough to procreate and then have two parents caring for and protecting the child through the dangerous period of an infant’s life from birth through about 2-3 years of age.
But somewhere around that time, the chemical rush fades away, and the couple is left with the reality of who the other person actually is. That’s why it’s critical that you genuinely enjoy, value, and respect the real woman in your life – not the giddiness she made you feel in the attracting phase.
The problem is that an unaware guy may interpret the end of this chemical phase as “I’ve fallen out of love.”
This results in the guy dumping the woman in order to seek out someone new, so he can feel the endorphin rush again.
Of course, in time, the new woman too will become old news, and when the endorphin surge wears off, the guy will be in the same boat.
The surge won’t last – doesn’t matter who you’re with. Your long-term happiness with a woman requires you to recognize and accept this reality.
So, what do you do with this information?
Well, that depends on where you are in your life and in your relationship, and what your goals are.
Perhaps right now, all you really want is the endorphin infatuation.
That’s fine. The important thing is to realize that the foundation of a real, long-lasting relationship isn’t that giddiness you feel at the beginning of seeing someone.
That will eventually go away, so when it does, don’t make the mistake of assuming that means it’s time to end the relationship.
Want more free content?
Whatever your challenge, we’ve got you covered.
And when you sign up for our mailing list, we'll send you free dating/pickup/relationship content right to your inbox. Unsubscribe anytime. Click here to visit the homepage and scroll down where you'll find our email sign-up.
To switch over to the full course, click here.
Comments