Let’s return to our definition of what women find attractive.
A feminine woman is attracted to a masculine man who meets her personal, physical standard, who has a purpose and direction, and who is confident, strong, and fun.
It’s time to address looks.
So, no sugarcoating. Looks matter. Frankly, they matter a lot.
Anyone who tells you otherwise is not being honest with you. They’re probably trying to sell you something.
But they don’t matter in the exact same way that they matter to you and me as guys.
We’ll explain that in a moment.
First, here’s the reality you must recognize and accept:
A woman has no choice in whether she finds your appearance attractive.
Think about it…
When you feel that clench in your stomach when you notice a gorgeous woman, you didn’t decide to have that reaction, did you?
Of course not.
It was instinct – your raw, animal self, having a physiological reaction to a beautiful woman. Trillions of synapses exploding, endorphins flooding your nervous system, your blood pressure spiking… All of that was automatic and you had no control over it.
And when you turn your gaze from this stunning woman to her 87-year-old grandmother?
Nope. No reaction at all.
Attraction to someone’s appearance isn’t a choice.
It’s not a choice to us guys, and it’s not a choice to women.
They have no control over which guys do it for them visually and which guys don’t.
Now, there’s good news and bad news to this.
First, the bad news…
She’s either going to find you “attractive enough” or not.
If you are attractive enough, great – this course is going to give you the information and tools to build on that attraction.
But if you don’t make her cut, sorry, but that’ll be the end of that road.
She might think you’re the sweetest guy in the world, you might end up being life-long friends, but if you’re below the point of no return on the appearance scale, she’ll never be your lover.
In other words, there’s an attraction line-in-the-sand, and you must be on the good side of it. I know it’s harsh, but it’s the truth.
So, what’s the good news then?
Well, think of being back in school…
When I was there, a score of a “93” on a test was just as much of an “A” as a score of a “98.” As long as you were a 93 or up, you got the same A as that super-smart person who got the 98.
In the same way, if you’re “attractive enough,” you’re in. She’ll consider you as a potential romantic partner, even if you’re not a super-handsome 10-out-of-10.
So, “making the cut” physically opens the door, making it possible for her to become attracted to all your non-looks attributes – your humor, kindness, sense of adventure, intelligence, and so on. And that’s where the average guy with lots of great qualities has the advantage over a “hot” guy who offers little besides his jawline.
Now, what do you do with this reality about women and physical attraction?
Well, using your strength, you accept it.
Some women just aren’t going to find you attractive. But that’s fair, because you won’t find some women attractive. That’s life, and that’s okay.
But since many women will find you attractive, your challenge is to stay in the game and keep approaching women so that you can find the ones who will find you attractive enough.
Failure isn’t getting turned down – that’s normal and it will keep happening even after your successes with women start taking off.
Real failure is when you stop making the effort…or never even start.
So, if a girl doesn’t find you attractive enough, what should you not do?
Do not get hung up on her. Do not keep trying, keep pursuing, mope, wallow, listen to sad songs, stalk her, write her love songs, annoy her.
You’re stronger than that – and if you haven’t been in the past, it’s time for you to decide to be stronger starting now.
So, when disappointed, decide to move on to the countless other women who will say “Yes!” to you.
Trust me, they’re out there.
Failure and Self-Confidence
Since we’ve dovetailed into the topic of a woman shooting down a guy, let’s talk a moment about rejection. We’ll get into this in more detail in a moment when we discuss cold approaching a woman, but let’s mention a couple things here.
Failure is going to happen.
This is why your confidence needs to come from somewhere inside you, instead of from some person or experience outside you.
“Inside” means you have control. “Outside” means you’re a slave to someone or something else. Why give your confidence away?
So, what’s the “inside” stuff that’s within your control?
Simple – it’s your effort.
Think of it like this: Let’s say you approach a woman. From the very first second, there’s chemistry. You’re charming, strong, funny, witty, and so on. She loves it. She gladly gives you her number. Your confidence soars.
Now, let’s say you approach the exact same woman but under new circumstances…
Last night, she received word her grandmother passed. And today, she learned she didn’t get the job offer she’d been hoping for. Plus, she really shouldn’t be out tonight anyway because she’s exhausted and starting to feel sick.
Now, in this hypothetical, let’s say you approach her in identical fashion to the other time – you do everything the exact same.
Unfortunately, the same “hello” that went so perfectly in the first scenario now gets no response because of all the other influences on this woman.
She gives you a flat response and immediately turns away, ready to go home and go to bed.
Same woman, same “you,” but two totally different outcomes.
But recognize the trap here.
Did you do anything wrong?
Nope.
However, if you give her the keys to your confidence, you’re going to walk away feeling like crap, and for no reason at all. Her lack of interest had nothing to do with you.
This is why your confidence can’t be tied to her response and/or the outcome you’re hoping for.
If it is, you’re going to be miserable because not all women are going to like you. And even the women who do like you can have bad days.
Starting today, measure yourself by two things:
One, your progress toward the pursuit of your masculine purpose.
Two, the extent to which you’re taking action with women at the edge of your comfort zone, pushing yourself beyond where you were “last time.”
For instance, if you approached one woman last time, tonight push for two. If you spent 10 minutes in a conversation with a woman last time, this time target 15 minutes and perhaps ask for her number.
Anchor your confidence on you - how you show up and take action. Take it out of her hands completely.
One final note on failure...
Counter to what many guys think, failing is a good thing.
That’s because without failure, there’s no growth. Growth only happens at the point of failure.
Think of going to the gym…
When you lift weights, you get the most gain when you push yourself to the point of failure, exhausting your muscles.
But that muscle failure sends messages to your brain that more muscle growth is required to handle the exertion.
So, your body responds and you grow bigger and stronger. Next week at the gym, you’re able to complete another repetition or two.
The same principle applies with women.
If you’re not pushing yourself to the point of failure, it means you’re living within the boundaries of your current comfort zone. Yet you’re reading this. That implies that you’re not happy with where you are. So why would you want to stay?
Plus, what exactly is a “failure” anyway?
Let’s say that one month ago, you were too nervous to approach a woman. But you worked on it, and last night at a bar you approached a woman, chatted a couple minutes, suggested exchanging numbers, then she shot you down.
Is that a failure? Says who?
Look at the various successes you had leading up to her saying “no” to the number request.
You successfully approached her, where you weren’t able to do that before. You successfully said hello and chatted for several minutes. Then you successfully asked for her number.
That’s a lot of successes.
Plus, the fact that she said “no” isn’t a “failure,” it’s just your temporary point of resistance in the same way that 225 pounds might be your current point of resistance on the bench press.
Three months from now, you’ll be getting numbers far more regularly, and you’ll be hitting a new temporary point of resistance. And that won’t be a real “failure” either.
So, go out there are fail.
It’s the only way to succeed.
NOTE: At this point in the full course, there’s a written assignment that helps you reframe failure so that it begins to lose its power. To upgrade to the full version, click here.
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