Here’s the big-picture. We’ll dive into the details below.
1. While the average guy is too “into her” from the beginning, you’re going to be a little unsure of her, and not yet convinced you’re interested in dating her
2. While the average guy bores her with his mundane questions and mind-numbing conversation topics, you’re going to know how to enliven the conversation, and you’ll have to backup hacks ready if the conversation goes dry
3. While the average guy is too agreeable, you’re going to intentionally (yet playfully) disagree with her on many things. This will add zest and spark to the exchange
4. While the average guy keeps things platonic, you’re going to make it obvious that you see her as a potential romantic partner, not a friend
With that overview behind us, let’s jump in.
While the Average Guy is Too “Into Her” from the Beginning, You’re Going to be a Little Unsure of Her, and Not Convinced You’re Interested in Dating Her
It’s a truth that spans time, gender, and culture…
When we have to work for something, we value it more. When something just falls into our lap, we value it less.
Make yourself a promise right now…
Never again will you a woman find you easy to get.
So, here’s your mindset in Stage One:
“I’m not sure about you yet. I know how much value I bring to the table. I’m trying to determine how much value you bring to see if we’re compatible.”
That’s it.
The vibe you want to emit is that you’re outgoing and willing to get to know her, but you’re indifferent as to the outcome.
Remember, “indifference” is the vibe that tells a woman, “Sure, if this works out with you, great. But if it doesn’t, that’s also great. Frankly, what happens between us is not that important, cause I’m happy with or without you.”
We’ll talk more about “bad boys” versus “nice guys” in an upcoming module, but we can’t mention indifference without discussing the bad boy.
I think that what many women are labeling as “bad” in “bad boy” is simply indifference.
It’s a lack of eagerness to prove himself to the woman.
The indifferent guy isn’t all over her. He isn’t blowing up her phone. He isn’t instantly responding to her texts, or barfing up sugary professions of his love three weeks into dating her.
He’s putting his needs first, and not bending over for her.
So, in this first conversation, the indifferent guy isn’t over-laughing, or kissing her butt, or agreeing with everything she says.
Instead, he’s free to be completely honest (in a playful, teasing way) because he doesn’t care about the outcome.
Consider the difference…
Let’s say the girl tells a stupid joke.
Average Guy: “Hahahaha, that’s great… that’s so funny.”
You, who knows better (after looking at her with a playful smirk): “You know, I’ve decided to like you in spite of that joke.”
This ties into teasing, which is one of the most powerful attraction tools you have. We’ll discuss that next.
But while we’re still on the topic of being indifferent/not being too “into” her, consider the many ways this could manifest in that first conversation.
It would also mean not trying to prove yourself.
So, she asks “why are you single?”
Average Guy: “You know, I just haven’t found the right person yet. But I’ve had some great relationships.”
You, who knows better (after looking at her with a playful smirk): “Why am I single? Oh, probably all the felonies.”
It would mean not changing your opinion for her.
So, you mention how you love watching NFL football and she fires back with something about how violent it is, and how there are so many other productive things you could do than watch TV all Sunday.
Average Guy: “Yeah, well, that’s true. There are a lot of head injuries. And I don’t always watch all the NFL games cause it’s like you said, they do eat up so much productive time.”
You, who knows better (after looking at her with a playful smirk): “You don’t like watching NFL?” (Appearing to speak toward yourself) “Note to self… Do not actually date this girl.”
It would mean not holding back when she does something embarrassing.
Let’s say you and her are talking and she carelessly allows a spill of wine to fall out of her glass onto the floor.
Average guy (as he races to help clean it up): “Here, let me help you with that. Do we need to get you a new glass?”
You, who knows better (after looking at her with a playful smirk): “Wow. You’re teaching me a lot about keeping it smooth.”
Can you feel the difference?
No more kissing up to women – regardless of how attractive they are.
Make them be more than just their good looks before they can have you.
Here’s your rule of thumb: Whatever you would say to your annoying little sister, that’s what you say to her.
While the Average Guy Bores Her with Mundane Questions and Mind-Numbing Conversation Topics, You’re Going to Know How to Enliven the Conversation, and You’ll Have to Backup Hacks Ready if the Conversation Goes Dry
Remember what women hate?
Boredom.
And what’s a great way to produce boredom?
Surface-level, information questions asked back-to-back in rapid fire, “interview” mode.
Instead of doing that, here are three ways to keep the conversation flowing smoothly.
We’ll save the details of two of these methods for the full version of the course, while giving you one free one here.
In short, the first method involves a simple, easy to follow three-part framework that leads to far better questions. These are the kind of questions that open longer conversations rather than bore her with “interview questions.”
The second method is a way to always know what to say to have a fun little back-and-forth. It’s basically a roadmap for solid conversational exchange.
To access the full course and get all the details of these two methods, click here.
Here’s the third conversation helper:
Bringing Her into Your World and Ask for Help
Is your conversation running dry?
Well, stop asking her questions completely. Instead, ask for her advice.
Women love giving their two cents on all sorts of issues. A lively conversation can start just by getting her opinion on something relevant to your world.
To do this, start with what’s going on in your life right now.
What do you need?
Maybe it’s a new suit.
Maybe you’re looking to join a band.
Maybe you’re planning a vacation to London but aren’t sure where to stay.
Whatever it is, bring up the issue – bringing her into your world – then ask for her help.
So, the conversation is running dry. Some awkward silence…
“So, I’m off to London for the first time in three weeks. I’ve got my flight booked but nothing else. You ever been? Any suggestions on where to stay or what to do?”
(Notice that this is a great way to subtly brag about how awesome/interesting your life is.)
There are a million ways she could respond that would take the conversation in all sorts of directions.
She has been to London? Great – what was her favorite part?
She hasn’t been? Okay, what was her last trip destination?
Where would she go if she could travel anywhere?
What does she like to do on vacations – be active or be lazy? Or better yet, turn this last one into a tease…
You (after looking at her with a playful smirk): “I’m not sure we’d be good travel companions. I’d want to go see cool sites, but you seem like you’d just want to hang by the pool with a margarita all day.”
Make sense?
While the Average Guy is Too Agreeable, You’re Going to Intentionally (Yet Playfully) Disagree with Her on Many Things. This will Add Zest and Spark to the Exchange
Teasing is one of the most powerful tools in your toolkit. So, make it your goal to become excellent at it starting now.
Now, let’s be sure we’re not miscommunicating.
Teasing does not mean being a dick. It does not mean pointing out her flaws or making her feel bad, or “negging” as some of the old-school pickup guys used to suggest.
When you tease her in the right way, she’s going to be laughing too (or at least amused, and not genuinely offended).
This means you never say anything about a topic she could actually be sensitive about. Teasing done correctly is fun for both of you.
Teasing it a critical part of the attraction process for several reasons…
First, it taps her emotions. By now, you know how important emotions are to women.
Your fun little jab elicits intrigue… or maybe slight annoyance… or mild defensiveness…
Whatever it is, she’s suddenly feeling something. And that’s huge. She needs to feel. So, you’re making her come alive with your teasing.
Second, when you tease effectively, it gets her laughing (even if she’s a little annoyed). And laughter melts so many defenses.
Three, teasing sets you apart from the guys who try to agree with everything she says. They try to be polite.
When you don’t do this – instead, when you poke a little fun at her – it makes you appear stronger and more confident.
Four, teasing creates just a little bit of emotional distance in between you and her which can lead to her uncertainty.
As we’ll discuss more later, uncertainty is a necessary ingredient if you want women to pursue you.
It’s like “Wait, he just talked some crap to me. Is he actually not that into me? Why isn’t he kissing my ass like all the other guys?”
Five, teasing makes you appear very comfortable with yourself, and comfortable around her.
It sends the message that you’re not worried about offending her.
On a subconscious level she may think, “He has no fear of offending and losing me, so he must have lots of options with women my level. This is nothing new for him. Wait, if he’s this confident, does he actually date above me?”
Bottom line: Teasing is mandatory. Start practicing now.
So…how?
There are a million ways to tease, but I’ll give you five broad categories:
NOTE: For this free version of the course, we’ll give you three categories. To access all five in the full version of the course, click here.
1. Disagree and take it to an extreme
2. Make an absurd, exaggerated stereotype
3. Make an absurd assumption
Let’s look at a couple examples of each. Keep in mind (so that I don’t have to repeat it every time), you’re going to say this stuff with a playful smirk.
She must know that you’re joking. If not, you’re just a dick.
Disagree and Take It to An Extreme
Example 1…
You’re discussing movies on a first date. You tell her what your favorite movie is, and she replies that it’s stupid, or not any good.
You: “That’s it – this relationship’s just not working out. We’re breaking up. I want full custody of the dogs.”
Example 2…
Again, on an early date, you’re discussing music artists – she loves a certain artist while you think the artist is awful.
You: “I’m sorry. No. You’re cute but obviously you have the worst taste in music of anyone in the western half of the United States. XYZ is a terrible artist. Do you have a twin sister with better taste in musicians?”
Make An Absurd, Exaggerated Stereotype
Example 1…
You’re on a first date.
Her: “I’m originally from New York.”
You: “New York? Uh oh. Are you packing heat right now? At what point tonight will you be mugging me?”
Example 2…
Her: “I’m originally from Iowa.”
You: “Uh oh, those wholesome Midwestern values. See, this is why we could never date. I would corrupt you.”
Make An Absurd Assumption
Example 1…
Again, on a first date.
Her: “So, do you want to get married?”
You: “You know, I’ve thought about it long and hard over these last two seconds. It’s a little sudden, but yes – I’ll marry you! We’re going to be so happy!”
Example 2…
She orders a glass of wine in front of you.
You: “Wine, huh? Classy. Although, we both know you’re secretly wanting some Fireball shots. I’m on to you.”
Again, to access all the teasing categories with specific examples, click here to access the full course.
I cannot stress this enough – teasing is mandatory.
Don’t be mean about it, but in a playful way, bust her balls. It’s a “must-have” for building attraction.
While the Average Guy Keeps Things Platonic, You’re Going to Make it Obvious that You See Her as a Potential Romantic Partner, not a Friend
There are many ways to do this, but here are two easy-to-remember ways.
First, you might have noticed that in some of the teasing examples above, the tease referencing “breaking up” or the implication of dating her twin.
Let your teases do lots of the heavy lifting of showing this woman that you put her in “potential relationship/sexual relationship” category.
Just to give you the idea, some tease “themes” that get this idea across include…
- We have to break up
- This is why we could never date
- I’m not sure I believe you – we should call one of your ex’s
- What am I, just a piece of meat to you?
Second, look for ways to misinterpret things in a romantic/sexual way.
***Important: Don’t be sleezy.
For example, say she accidentally brushes your arm or your thigh.
You: “Wow. I’ve barely known you an hour and here you are trying to seduce me.”
Or, say that she asks if you want to order another drink.
You: “Sure. But I should tell you up front, I’m not necessarily putting out tonight even if you get me drunk.”
Or, she asks where you live.
You: “I’ve known you for barely 10 minutes and here you are already trying to stalk me. It’s a new record.”
The End of Stage One
If Stage One has gone according to plan, you’ve been confident and fun. While you’ve shown interest in her, you’ve been indifferent to her reaction.
You have asked her fun questions, kept the conversation humming, stayed away from boring topics.
She knows you’ve sized her up as a potential girlfriend/sexual partner. You haven’t friend-zoned yourself by being too “nice.”
Finally, the “feel” is that she’s shown herself to be fun and worth more of your time and attention. In essence, Stage One was a time to “feel her out” for the first time and she passed.
As I wrote earlier, your overall tone is “Hmmm, you know, I wasn’t sure about you at first, but you’re actually rather fun (or rather interesting, or rather intriguing, whatever).”
(To be clear, this doesn’t mean she’s won you over completely. This is more so the idea that you aren’t immediately disqualifying her.)
This will help her feel that she’s “earning” you, which is a feeling women want to have, whether they admit it or not.
No woman wants a guy who comes easy to her. She wants to feel she’s nabbed a high-value guy.
On to Stage Two, but first, we have some Actions Steps.
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NOTE: At this point in the full course, there’s an assignment that helps you with conversation topics, how to engage her in a way that taps her emotions, how to tease effectively, and how to make sure she doesn’t immediately put you in the Friend Zone. To switch over to the full version, click here.
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