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How to Escalate the Conversation (Give it a Sexual Undercurrent)

As noted earlier, this does not mean “sleezy.” It’s just a little spiciness. A sexual charge. 

That charge could be understated and subtle. Or if you guys are really into each other, it could be direct and overt. 

Escalation can be physical, like touching her arm…and next thing you know, she’s touching your leg under the table. 

Or it could be purely conversational – topics that are laced with sexual subtext. 

Or escalation could be both at the same time. 

Too many budding romances fizzle because the guy fails to escalate. That’s a huge mistake. 

The reality is, as guys, our attraction to a woman includes an attraction to her physically. Frankly, that’s pretty much the main thing we notice first. 

Escalation honors that attraction and gets you closer to acting on it. 

The critical part of it is simply doing it in a way that’s respectful and tactful. 

But when done appropriately, escalation is a powerful tool – and frankly, it’s an essential one, because without it, she’s just a platonic friend. 

As a baseline, when we talk about escalation, we’re talking about fun, frisky banter that has some degree of a sexual tone to it, even if it’s just an unspoken implication. 

What it does is it adds a different feel to the encounter. 

You’re suddenly a man and a woman with all the charged sexual tension of two people who are attracted to each other. 

This brings an excitement and a crackling energy to the encounter that doesn’t exist when you’re talking about her favorite pizza topping. 

So, how do we do it? 

  

Physical Escalation 

The important thing here is to look for signs that she’s open to it. 

For instance, she’s standing very close to you… or playing with her hair… or touching her neck… or holding your eye contact without flinching… or constantly laughing a lot at your average-at-best jokes… 

If you’re getting these signals, look for an opportunity to touch her hand, arm, or leg. 

Now, you’re not going to do this at any random time in the conversation. Wait until there’s some sort of bonding moment – usually a genuine, shared laugh. 

Or, maybe you’ve just discovered some shared interest, like you’re both huge Star Trek fans, or you both love the same Spanish art-house movie director. 

Whatever it is, when this happens, just reach over, and put your hand on her hand or arm. 

Let it linger there for a second as you’re holding eye contact and probably laughing with her, and then pull it back. 

It’s not a massage. You’re not groping her. It’s just a light touch – just connecting. 

And then it’s over. 

Now, what’s hugely important is her reaction. 

Did she seem at-ease with it? Even welcoming? 

Or did she pull away, or seem uncomfortable? 

If there’s any sign of discomfort, pull back. Respect the signal she’s sending. 

In that case, work on establishing more comfort and rapport with her before you try any physical touch again. 

But if it went well, then the next time around, escalate just a bit more. 

That could mean touching her leg instead of her hand…. 

Or sliding closer to her in a booth… 

Or if you’re walking, putting your hand on her lower back… 

Or if you’re in a loud bar, as you lean close to say something in her ear, maybe just trace your hand from her upper back down to her lower back before you pull away… 

If she’s into you, odds are she’ll start initiating her own physical escalation with you. 

Her hand on your arm… or a smoldering look… or her foot or leg “accidentally” brushes against yours under the table… or she slides closer to you as you’re sitting on the same bench… 

Whatever physical escalation she’s giving you, mirror it, and then up the ante just a little bit. 

But again, if she ever appears uncomfortable, or stops you, respect it and immediately pull back. 

You don’t need to apologize, but stop all forward progress. 

Go back to making her feel comfortable and safe before you try again. 

When you do this slowly, always being aware of her reaction and comfort level, and respecting that, then it becomes a powerful way to electrify your dates. 

  

Verbal Escalation 

Verbal escalation gets a bad rap because too many guys think this means something like, “Your ass looks amazing in those jeans” or worse, like “I bet you’re wild in the sack.” 

That type of comment is inappropriate. Women are right to be offended. 

The rule of thumb for verbal escalation is “go slow” and make sure that she’s engaging with you. 

If you get the feeling that it’s just you trying to ramp up the friskiness, pull back. 

The art of verbal escalation involves saying a lot, by actually saying very little. 

It’s subtle. It’s more about the implication of what you’re saying. 

I’m going to save the rest of Verbal Escalation for the full course. To access it right now, click here. This is a very powerful way to add zest and excitement to this first conversation. 


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