Okay, you approached this woman and began a fun conversation.
You just cruised through Stage One and things are going well.
What is Stage Two all about?
Well, as a refresher, here’s what I wrote earlier:
- You’re both feeling far more comfortable with each other in Stage Two.
- You’re still teasing her, and using a technique called “push/pull” that’s giving her the fun of feeling a variety of emotions.
- It’s now appropriate to ask more informational “get to know you” type questions of her.
- You’re going to “escalate” the conversation, meaning add an undercurrent of sexuality to it. Nothing “sleezy,” just a little spicy.
- There’s more of a real connection forming between you two, and you see signs of her attraction.
Let’s look at each in greater detail.
Using “Push/Pull” to Keep Building the Attraction
In Stage One, she began feeling more comfortable with you. And your teases piqued her interest in you.
Now, it’s time to build on that in Stage Two with a flirting tool commonly called “push/pull.” The goal is to ramp up here attraction for you.
In essence, your comments will “push her away from you, then pull her back toward you.”
What you’re doing is keeping her on her toes emotionally. And as creatures of emotion who want to feel, women respond to this.
Now, why does this work? Beyond the “different emotions” part of it?
As we’ll talk about in a coming module, women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.
So, the “nice guy” who makes it apparent that he’s totally into the girl from the beginning doesn’t present “unclear” feelings. His interest is abundantly clear. Too clear.
But the guy using “push/pull” is being charming one minute, then playfully dismissive the next.
She can’t read his interest level 100%...and she finds that both intriguing and a challenge.
Now, let’s be clear.
Some guys get push/pull all wrong and they end up insulting the woman.
They do this when they say something like “Great dress…if only your shoes matched it.”
You can see how this comment fits the push/pull idea (in this case, it’s “pull” with a compliment followed by “push” with the snarky tag).
But how would you feel if a woman said this to you?
You’d think she was a dick.
Do you want to be a dick to women?
Sure, some women with self-esteem issues will like the pure “jerk” who insults them. But I’m going to assume you don’t want this type of low-self-esteem woman.
So, let’s steer away from this type of toxic push/pull.
We’re going to use the better, more effective version that intrigues, rather than attacks, a woman.
Now, one way to use push/pull is with a simple oxymoron (a figure of speech in which two things that appear to contradict each other appear in conjunction):
- Look at you. You are disgustingly cute. I can hardly stand it.
- You’re the best kind of trouble, aren’t you?
- You’re going to be a wonderfully awful influence on me, I can feel it.
But this is more of a “throwaway” line.
A more robust version of push/pull is a compliment, followed by downplaying the potential for you as her romantic partner.
(You’ll see in a moment that this doesn’t offset the work we did in Stage One for her to see you as a romantic partner.)
Before we get into examples, compare this to the “toxic” push/pull example from a moment ago.
In that example, there was a compliment about her outfit, followed by an insult about her outfit.
Together, the emotional impact of the overall comment was negative.
You don’t want that. You want to charm her. That’s why our version is better.
When you give a woman a compliment (positive impact), then follow it by downplaying yourself as a romantic partner, it doesn’t create a negative emotion.
Instead, it creates a question inside of her – why is he downplaying himself?
This elicits feelings of intrigue and mystery in the woman. That’s great for you. You avoid insulting her while ramping up her curiosity about you.
So, here are some examples…
- Stop being so adorable, I’m trying not to like you.
- You have the most amazing eyes. If only I was into blondes (or whatever she is). (She’s certain to follow that up by asking what your type is. You can have a funny or mysterious answer ready to go.)
- You know, I came out tonight to hang with my friends, but here you are distracting me with all your cuteness. I may have to walk away before you “Yoko” me and my best friend. (If you’re a younger guy, “Yoko Ono” was John Lennon’s girlfriend, who is popularly credited with breaking up The Beatles.)
- You are adorable, but I may have to get away from you. You’re clearly a big mess of fun mischief who’s going to get me in trouble.
- You know, you seem really sweet…at the same time, I’m picking up a strong hint of sass. I don’t know what to do with you yet.
- Oh, you have such a troublemaker vibe. If I was smart, I would get out of here right now.
And just to show you that it doesn’t always have to be “her” as the potential troublemaker, here’s a reversal of the same dynamic.
- I have to say, you’re very attractive and seem great, but I’m not sure we’d get along. I think you might be too nice. I’m afraid I would corrupt you.
See how it works?
It’s a compliment or something positive, followed by the subtle threat of her losing you, or you being unsure about your overall perception of her.
This is how you utilize push/pull in a way that intrigues her, not offends her.
Begin to Ask More Information Questions About Her
Now that you guys are vibing, you can begin to backfill some of the missing pieces of information about her.
But – and it’s a huge “but” – make your questions interesting.
This is not a license to ask her favorite color… or her favorite pizza topping… or her childhood pet’s name.
Snore-fest.
Pay attention to her. Notice the topics that light her up.
You can tell when someone is more interested in one topic than another. When you find one, stay on it for a while.
Let her enjoy telling you all about something she loves. Let her reveal more about who she is and what makes her tick.
You help her in this by asking questions along the lines of “how did it feel when…” or “what were you experiencing when you…” or “tell me a time when you felt…” or “what was it like for you after (ABC) happened…”
Remember, women are wired for emotions. And these feelings-based questions connect her to an emotion.
When you care to ask these types of question, and you really listen so that you can ask good follow-ups, it sets you apart as a guy.
See, what beautiful women have tons of is “attraction” from guys…what they have very little of is “connection” with guys.
Let’s be real – most guys pursue a beautiful woman for her beauty.
She knows this. And while she appreciates the validation to some degree, it’s also pretty empty and shallow.
On a deeper level, she wants to be known and accepted for who she is beyond her looks.
She wants to connect with someone on a human level – not just a surface level.
So, the solution is simple – listen and connect with her!
Important: In Stage Two, you are not substituting teasing and lighthearted banter for this more earnest type of “get to know you” question/conversation.
That would be too heavy and kill lots of the fun.
What you’re doing is sprinkling some of these “real” questions in amidst your teasing/laughing/push-pull/and so on. That stuff remains the majority of your conversation.
It’s a balance. But if you’re ever in doubt, lean toward fun and teasing, not serious questions.
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