When you watch a horror movie for the first time, whenever the monster jumps out from behind the door, you leap up in your seat.
You weren’t expecting it, so it scares the hell out of you.
After you’ve seen the same movie ten times, you barely bat an eyelash during that scene. After all, you know exactly what to expect.
With this in mind, let’s go over a few things that the woman may do during the Minefield.
When you expect these actions ahead of time, they won’t have the same jarring impact on you when they happen.
Given this, you (hopefully) won’t react to them in the unfortunate manner that blows up so many guys.
She’ll Cancel Dates
She’s probably going to reschedule, adjust, or cancel a date or two (hopefully not more).
We’ve talked about how to respond to this.
Beyond the mechanics of how to respond, it’s critical that she doesn’t sense the rescheduled date has gotten under your skin. You want to remain easy-going and indifferent.
Remember, one of the most attractive traits about you is your masculine strength – the fact that you’re solid, immovable, and emotionally-sturdy.
If she picks up on the fact that you’re angry or hurt, it’s going to clash with her image of you as a strong, masculine guy. So, don’t let this happen. Don’t show any annoyance.
Your best response is to a canceled date is “understanding-bordering-on-indifferent,” then see if you can land a last-minute date with someone else, or join your buddies for a guys’ night.
That said, part of your remaining in your masculine strength means walking away if she treats you with a lack of respect or as a backup option.
Don’t tolerate repeated bad behavior from her, or before you know it, she’ll be treating you badly with regularity.
So, if you feel she’s actually disrespecting you, that leads us to a different response from you…
“We Pursue That Which Retreats from Us”
There’s a great, old movie called “The Tao of Steve” that features the quote: “We pursue that which retreats from us.”
It’s 100% true. It’s because of our egos – we don’t like being rejected.
So, if someone begins to pull away from us, we don’t like it. Even if we were feeling “ho hum” about this person a day ago, the sudden threat of them walking away hits us in the ego, and suddenly we want them back.
If you feel a woman is disrespecting you during The Minefield, show her the consequences of that disrespect rather than whining about it.
In other words, retreat from her. Pull back.
The fastest way to get someone’s attention is by removing your own attention from them.
So, if she cancels a date on you, then a few nights later, she shoots down your sexual advance (assuming you two have begun a sexual relationship), don’t sit her down for “a talk.” Instead, show her through your actions that her behavior isn’t acceptable.
Pull back. After all, this is a form of “Mirror Minus One.”
She’s begun to show you less interest via her actions. So, match that level of reduced interest plus just a little bit extra.
To be clear, good, effective communication is a must-have for a committed relationship.
In a relationship, asking “why?” type questions and asking about feelings will be important for the health of the relationship. But you’re just not there yet. You’re not yet in a committed relationship.
You’re merely dating this woman, so it’s not yet appropriate to hold her to “girlfriend” standards.
In fact, that’s the whole point of dating. You might find out that she’s not “girlfriend” material.
So, sitting her down to ask questions like “why aren’t you doing XYZ for me anymore?” or saying “I don’t like when you do ABC, why are you doing it?” is something a boyfriend would say.
Plus, unless you’re practiced in having such conversations and can maintain an even, calm demeanor, you run the risk of coming across as insecure and butt-hurt. That would be bad for her attraction toward you.
So, instead of having this conversation so early in The Minefield, instead, show her through your actions that you disapprove of what she’s doing.
In short, back off.
Don’t endorse her less-enthusiastic or disrespectful behavior by continuing to ask her on dates with the same frequency and make the same effort when she’s not making the same effort to you.
Instead, pump the brakes hard. Make her come face-to-face with the possibility of losing you.
Your willingness to walk away from a relationship is the ultimate trump card.
She’ll Be Dating Other Guys
Yes, she’s going to be dating other guys as you’re getting to know her over the first couple weeks at a minimum.
Worse, she’ll may be having physical relationships with at least one of them.
This tends to be a hard one to swallow, so the sooner you grapple with and accept it, the better.
She has other guys in her life. She’s not dating you only.
So, here’s the key. You differentiate yourself by never showing any interest in your competition. And you never show any jealousy. Ever.
If you ask about the other guys she’s dating and show jealousy, you’ll make her feel that you’re pressuring her to choose you and stop dating the other guys.
That violates what we talked about earlier – she has to feel free around you.
Remember, she’s a cat – let her come and go as she wants.
If she’s nervous to tell you that she’s dating another guy, it means she thinks you’d be angry or upset by it. And that means you haven’t made her feel free.
So, appear indifferent. It can be incredibly hard, especially when you really like her, but this is how you’ll stand out from the other guys who will come on too strong and make her feel suffocated.
There are three reasons to let her be free…
One – because you’re sure as hell going to be dating other women.
Until she springs the “exclusive” talk on you, you’re not her boyfriend. Use this time to date as many women as you can, learning everything possible about male/female dynamics, relationships, communicating, and so on.
Two – your indifference will make her wonder “Why is he being so cool about me dating other guys? Does he really not care that much about me? How many other women is he dating? Where do I rank among other girls he’s dating?”
In essence, your laid-back response will get in her head, creating uncertainty. And by now, you know the power of uncertainty.
Three – the odds are overwhelming that the other guys she’s dating will not show indifference when they learn she’s also dating you. They’ll show insecurity, jealousy, and frustration.
That means she’ll see these guys moved off their masculine center. That will diminish her attraction to them, and when they mess up enough, she’ll drop them, leaving just…you.
So, don’t get hurt or frustrated when you learn she’s dating other guys.
Expect it.
Instead, use it as a way to distinguish yourself from your competition by acting like you truly are not affected.
She’ll Be Hot and Cold for No Reason
She’s a creature of emotion, so expect uneven moods. Sunny one minute, tornados the next.
Sometimes, she’ll be totally into you and things will be great; a few days later, she’ll seem distant and in her head.
More times than not, it won’t have anything to do with you. So, don’t be the needy, insecure guy who’s like “Everything okay? Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me?”
Your response to her shifting moods is always to maintain your confidence, strength, and sense of fun.
That’s your job. You’re the rock – always strong, fixed, immovable. She can be a hurricane all around you, but nothing moves the rock even an inch.
This extends to arguments.
If she tries to pick a fight with you, don’t let it roil your emotions.
Defend yourself, push back, maintain your boundaries – but do so from a place of calm centeredness.
Don’t yell, get angry, grow said, lose your temper, call her names, or anything like that…
Respond with calm, in-control strength.
She’ll Test You
She’ll do this in countless ways over the course of your entire relationship, so get used to it.
Fortunately, the more tests you pass, the less she’ll test, and the easier they’ll become.
In the full course, we go over the full range of ways that women will test a guy during The Minefield, as well as how to respond. To access the full course, click here.
She’ll Go Dark On You
It could be several days (or longer) of complete silence.
Now, you know the protocol – wait between three-to-six days to initiate a date (in this case six). And if she ignores that date-invite, you wait two weeks to reach out to her again. No more effort after that.
But moving beyond this, your challenge is to identify the nature of her pullback.
Is it because you’ve been over-pursuing?
Look at the four guidelines of navigating The Minefield. Can you pinpoint which one (or more) you might have been violating?
If so, stop that bad behavior immediately.
On the other hand, if you’re not aware of any guideline violations, then she might simply be testing you.
Be careful! When these pullbacks happen unexpectedly, most guys are knocked off their center and the quote “we pursue that which retreats from us” works against them.
The majority of unknowing guys respond to a woman’s pullback by pursuing her even harder because they’re alarmed that they’re about to lose her.
Unfortunately, this pursuit comes across as needy, desperate, and smothering.
The guy is trying to squeeze the cat in his arms, but the cat doesn’t want to be held in that moment. And that will probably mark the beginning of the end of the relationship.
You, on the other hand, will realize her disappearance is a test.
Given that, you’ll match her retreat by retreating yourself.
“Mirror Minus One.”
After all, your life is complete, busy, and happy already. So, if she wants to back off, you have a million other things going on to fill your time.
Pursue your masculine mission, enjoy other dates, hang with your friends.
Trust me, she’ll notice you’re not chasing her and trying to figure out why she pulled the disappearing act. This will make you stand out.
What you will not do – for any reason – is pursue her more by going into sleuth mode, asking all sorts of “why?” questions, telling her she’s acting differently, and wanting explanations.
Accept her pullback, ask no questions, make no comments about it. But immediately pull back.
Plus, I’ll tell you why she’s acting different: Either you’ve over-pursued her and she’s losing interest, or she’s simply being a cat.
Either way, back off.
In the full course, there’s an Assignment as this point that asks you to contemplate how you’ve handled The Minefield in your past relationships. It will help you solidify your plan for when you experience a woman pulling away in future Minefields.
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