Okay, so you’re suddenly in a conversation with her – what now? You don’t have any clue what to say.
Well, let’s begin with what the average guy does during Stage One. That will point us toward what you – as an awesomely “non-average” guy – is going to do differently.
In short, the average guy will:
1. Be too into her from the beginning
2. Bore her with his mundane questions and mind-numbing conversation topics
3. Be too agreeable
4. Keep things platonic
Here’s a bit more detail on each “average guy” mistake.
Average Guys Are Too “Into” Women from the Beginning
The average guy makes his interest in a woman way too obvious, way too early…
Over-laughing at her jokes… perma-smiling as she talks… agreeing with all her opinions… kissing her butt… basically, putting her on a pedestal.
Guess what?
Women get turned off by this type of behavior.
Women are wired to chase a guy. They don’t want to settle. They want to feel as though they’ve landed a high-value man – a prize.
So, when the average guy is 100% into her from the start, robbing her of the chance to chase and feel as though she’s caught a high-value, in-demand guy, he doesn’t create the conditions a woman needs for her attraction to grow.
Here’s an analogy…
Skull and Bones is a secret fraternity at Yale. Very elite, some presidents have been in it. There are other secret organizations at Yale too.
So, let’s say you’re one of the lucky guys who’s wanted as a potential member of Skull and Bones or one of these secret groups.
At their request, you show up to one of their parties one night and it’s amazing. Beautiful women everywhere. Stocked bar. Important people.
The members pull you into a room and start grilling you – “why are you a good fit for us? What do you bring to the table? We could have anybody we want, why should we pick you?”
You leave that night, wanting to join, really hoping you made a good impression.
The next night you go to party with a different secret fraternity. It starts off the same, beautiful women and important people.
But then, when the guys pull you into a room, it’s different.
The guy interviewing you says, “so, you’re pretty awesome and frankly, we want you.”
You raise your eyebrow – after all, they haven’t asked you a single question about who you are, what you like, what benefit you bring.
Then he says, “what other secret fraternities are you looking at?”
When you tell him, he starts growing pouty.
“Why do you want them? Why isn’t our fraternity good enough?”
Then he gets aggressive, telling you that you don’t need to visit any other fraternities, you should just go ahead and join them.
In fact, he gives you a bid right then and there. He says, “let’s make this official. Are you ready to join? We’ll do it right now!”
How are you going to respond?
It’s weird, right?
Here’s a likely reaction…
What the hell? Why is this guy pressuring me so much?
If this group wants me so bad without knowing anything about me, they can’t be that great. After all, they’re really not being that selective. Are they just trying to get members?
The other secret fraternity – now those guys seemed like they were hard to get into – they must be the real deal – but this group is ready to sign me tonight?
Something is off here.
This exact same principle is at work between men and women.
When a guy immediately gives off the vibe that he’s into a girl, hands-down, no questions asked, without her having to prove herself in any way, it freaks her out and makes the guy appear pathetic.
From the girl’s perspective, it’s too easy, the guy has no standards, she’s not winning a “prize,” it’s just boring.
If the guy was a badass who could get tons of women, he would have strict standards for who he let into his life. So, when this guy treats her in a way that reveals he don’t have strict standards, it makes her think “I’m not with a high-value guy. I can do better.”
And he loses her right there.
You’re not going to be this guy.
Average Guys Bore Women with Mundane Questions and Mind-Numbing Conversation Topics
Imagine a guy has just approached a woman in a bar.
Now, it’s time for the actual conversation
See if this sounds familiar...
Him: “So, what are you up to tonight?”
Her: “Just here getting a drink with friends.”
Him: “Cool, cool. So, what do you do?”
Her: “I work for a marketing company.”
Him: “Marketing? Really? Sounds awesome.” He pauses. Searching for something else to say. “So, are you from here?”
Her: “No, I grew up in Dallas. I moved here about a year ago.”
Him: “Oh, cool. I’ve heard Dallas is a great place.” Another pause. Getting awkward. “So, do you and your friends hit this spot a lot then?”
Her: “I guess. This is a cool place.”
Him: “Yeah, such a cool place. One of my favorites…” Now, it’s the longest, most awkward pause yet. “So, do your friends work in marketing along with you?”
Her: “No, they’re both teachers.”
Him: “Ah, that’s cool. Teachers are cool… So, are you just bar-hopping tonight?”
It’s about this time the girl will excuse herself to go find her friends.
So, you can feel this guy’s pain. To his credit, he’s trying, but nothing’s clicking.
And so, what happens?
It’s a rapid-fire, “interview” question barrage.
Women hate this.
It makes them feel awkward. If you do this for a minute or two, they’ll either bail on you, or mentally bail as they wait to be rescued by friends.
Remember: Women are driven by emotions.
She’s bored because all of these questions are surface level. They’re not engaging her in an emotional way that causes her to feel something compelling.
But then what should you do? After all, you need to know basic information questions about her…
Where are you from? What do you do? Do you have any brothers or sisters? What are your hobbies?
Well, you will eventually ask her these questions…just not in Stage One.
The problem is that the average guy asks these questions out of order.
He asks these questions first, when he should ask them second.
Remember, as creatures of emotion, women need to be hooked emotionally first. So, “fun” comes first, “information” comes second.
Later, after she’s more into you, you can backfill with all these run-of-the-mill questions.
The Average Guy Will Be Too Agreeable
This is related to but different than our first point about being too easy to catch.
In this case, the average guy is just “vanilla.”
He agrees with her… he doesn’t challenge her… he doesn’t call her out if she gets a little disrespectful… he’s happy to change his plans to suit her mood…
You know what happens when the average guy behaves this way?
The woman goes home and tells her friend, “He was really nice, but there was no spark.”
Women must feel a wide range of emotions for them to feel engaged and for their attraction to grow.
Being too agreeable guarantees that she’ll feel just one emotional wavelength from you – “nice.”
And when that happens, don’t expect her to stick around.
The Average Guy Will Keep the Conversation Platonic
Said a different way, the average guy won’t make it clear that he’s viewing the woman as a potential romantic/sexual mate.
But if a guy doesn’t make this clear, then why should the woman view him as anything beyond a friend?
Think about it – a guy might be having a wonderful conversation with a woman about, say, football.
But that’s a “safe” conversation that he could have with his grandmother.
Unfortunately, safe conversations don’t get women excited. Safe conversations don’t result in her viewing the guy as a potential romantic partner.
So, what happens?
Welcome to the friendzone.
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