Let’s talk about the conversation you’ll have following a daytime approach now.
It’s basically going to be the same blueprint as a nighttime conversation with a few differences.
First, you may have to fit everything into a much shorter time-frame.
Second, you have to assure her that you’re not going to eat up her entire day.
And third, you’ll have to get to “qualifying” much faster. And it’s even more important.
Let’s get into the details.
First, Find Out How Much Time You Have
As we talked about before, during the daytime, it can feel like an imposition when you stop a woman.
We talked about how to address this – you show empathy, and you speak to where she’s at emotionally.
But even if you do this well, it doesn’t change the fact that the woman might be in a rush to get somewhere.
The reality is you have no clue whether she’s five minutes late to meet her boss for lunch, or whether she has a free afternoon and is out shopping with no time pressure.
So, one of your first responsibilities is to figure out the situation.
You want to know whether you need to ask for her number fast, or whether you have more time to let things unfold.
One way to get this info is to ask, “So, what sort of fun stuff are you up to today?” or “So, what kind of adventures are you getting into?”
(I’d steer away from “Where are you going?” Though some women won’t mind that question, others will be freaked out – sounds a little stalkerish.)
“What sort of fun stuff are you up to?” gives her the chance to contextualize her situation.
Whatever she says, listen for the subtext.
If she’s just out running some errands and it sounds like she’s not under time pressure.
This means you have more time, and could try to steer things toward grabbing a coffee together that very afternoon.
But if she’s headed to the movies to meet a friend in 10 minutes, you obviously don’t have much time. Your only shot is to try to get her number as quickly as you can.
Also, asking “What sort of fun stuff are you up to?” gives you more conversation topics.
You know nothing about this woman. When she tells you what she’s doing, listen for ways to leapfrog off of it.
For instance, she’s out shopping?
Great. For what?
If that reminds you that you need to go shopping for something, tell her.
Remember, letting a woman into your world is a good conversation technique.
Take the Time-Pressure Off
One of the very first things you need to do after your approach is relieve a big concern that she has…
You’re going to eat up her entire day.
A woman will be less inclined to speak with you if she has no idea how long she’ll be stuck in the conversation. Your job is to take that pressure off.
You can do that in your approach itself…
You: “Excuse me, it looks like you’re trying to get somewhere. I won’t keep you long, but I just… (opener).”
Or it could come somewhere in the first minute…
You: “Unfortunately, I have to run here in a minute, but really quick, tell me (question or conversation topic).”
You could mention how you’re on your way to meet friends… or heading back to the office… or going to a lunch…
However, you do it, it takes the pressure off. She knows you’ll be leaving soon and aren’t planning on occupying her entire afternoon.
Just be careful with what you say since, if things go well, you’ll need to explain why you’re not rushing back to the office like you said.
If things do go well and you end up spending the afternoon with her, and she asks about your previous plans, you can simply say, “Yeah, I had plans but that was before meeting you. I changed them.”
Be Ready to Qualify Her Far Earlier in the Conversation
Even though a daytime conversation might be shrunk into only a fraction of the time of a nighttime conversation, you still need to hit the main parts of it.
And qualifying is a main part – in fact, even more so when it comes to a daytime approach.
Think about it…
After approaching her during the day, the interest-level between you two is unbalanced.
You approached her (she has the power) …
You probably also paid her a compliment (she has more power) …
You’re also asking her questions and you’re vulnerable to whether or not she wants to give you enough time to answer your questions (she gets even more power) …
Now, on one hand, women love this type of confident expression of interest from a man.
It makes their egos feel great. That’s why you’ll often hear women’s advice being “Don’t play games. If you’re into her, tell her. She’ll love it.”
Yes, she might love it. But no, her attraction for you won’t necessarily increase from it.
As you know from our conversation about hypergamy, this unbalanced interest is not a great set-up for her becoming more attracted to you.
So, we need you to get some power back. We need you to become a bit choosier … harder to get … a high-value man with plenty of dating options…
And how do we do that?
You already know – we ask her qualifying questions.
In a shortened daytime conversation, you can be a bit more to the point on this.
For example, you just approached… you let her know you’re in a rush too… there’s a few moments of “what you’re up to that afternoon” conversation… and then you could go straight to…
You: “So, help me get to know you a little. Tell me something cool about you.”
You’ll learn a lot from her reply.
She might say “Look, thank you. I’m flattered you approached, but I just don’t have time for this conversation. But thanks again.”
If so, fine. Wish her well.
Or, she might try really hard to impress you, telling you all sorts of things she’s into.
That would reveal a high interest level, and a woman who’s trying to qualify herself to you. That’s exactly what you’re hoping for.
Or, she could get flustered and flip it by asking what’s something cool about you.
I’ve had that happen, so have your response ready. But after you’ve answered her, put the focus back on her.
Remember, this isn’t a gimmick...
Her looks might have gotten her in the door with you, but it’s her personality and character that will keep her there.
Pulling back, your qualifying question is helping balance out the power.
The message is, “Yes, you are so attractive that I approached you, but if you don’t have other stuff to offer, I’ll politely leave, because your looks alone aren’t enough. I have strict standards.”
So, find out if she’s worth more of your time. If not, bail.
That’s really all the changes in a daytime conversation.
All the other important stuff – being playful, teasing, not being boring, asking good questions, push/pull – it’s all there.
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NOTE: At this point in the full course, there’s an assignment that covers daytime approach skills and daytime conversations. It includes a checklist to make sure you’re staying on track. To switch over to the full version, click here.
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