Okay, you approached this woman and began a fun conversation.
In Stage One, you flirted, teased, didn’t ask boring questions, kept the conversation fun and lively, and didn’t come across as overly-interested.
By the end of it, your conclusion was that this woman was cool enough and attractive enough to continue getting to know her.
In Stage Two, you kept the flirting/teasing going. But you also began to sprinkle in some more thoughtful, get-to-know-you questions that resonated with her emotionally.
You also used push/pull to keep her curious about you and not feeling that she “has” you. You also began to escalate the conversation, bringing in a fun, sexual subtext – without pushing too far, too fast.
You’re beginning to build a real connection, but you’re not quite sold on her yet.
And that brings us to Stage Three.
Here’s what we said about it earlier:
- I’ll add “teasing” yet again, because it’s always a good idea to sprinkle this into your conversations. It helps keep things fun.
- After establishing a connection, you’re going to “flip the tables” a bit. Up to this point, you’ve largely pursued her (you approached her, after all). Now, you want to give her the space to approach you. Women are wired to chase, and they want to feel they’ve “won” a high-quality man (rather than the man fawning all over her, making it clear from the start that she can have him if she wants).
- So, in Stage Three, you will make the woman qualify herself to you. More details on this to come.
- At the end of Stage Three, she will have qualified herself to you, and your eventual takeaway to her (like before, sometimes you might state this, other times it’s just the vibe you’ll emit) is: “I wasn’t planning on making this type of connection with anyone tonight, but here we are. Isn’t life funny.”
- You’ll then “close” in whatever form is appropriate: getting her number, kissing her, leaving with her to go to a new venue, or if it’s during the daytime, going on an “instant date.”
Let’s jump into the details.
Why is “Flipping the Script” Even Necessary?
Before we began answering that, let me speak to the first bullet point…
Keep the teasing going. You never stop teasing; you just ramp it up or down depending on the nature of the exchange.
“Play” is important when it comes to women, so your default should always be “fun, playful teasing and flirting.”
Now, as to “flipping the script.”
As we’ve discussed before, women are hypergamous.
That basically means they want to pair with the best mate they can – the most handsome, the highest-earning, the strongest, the highest-status, the most intelligent, and so on.
(By the way, this is why focusing on your purpose and self-improvement is critical, and a building block for attracting women.)
Given that hypergamy is a female’s default wiring, she tends to date “across and up” the social hierarchy while men date “across and down.”
So, given that she wants to date “up,” it’s logical that she would need to, in a sense, chase after and “convince” a higher-status male that she’s the right woman for him.
In other words, her having to pursue and win a man’s affections is part of the “proof” that the man is, in fact, of a higher value than her. And if she eventually wins the heart of this higher-value man, then it satisfies her hypergamous nature.
Make sure you see the other side of this – when a man throws himself at the woman, it does not satisfy her hypergamous nature.
We don’t place as much value on things that we didn’t have to work for. So, the “easy to get” man is, by definition, lower value.
And surprise, surprise – women are not attracted to lower value.
So, this is why in Stage Three, we “flip the script,” which is also called “qualifying.”
In other words, you’re going to ask the girl to qualify herself to you.
This is a subtle form of making her chase you, or making her prove that she meets your standards.
Though you won’t say it like this, the idea is…
“I’m sizing you up as a potential mate but I have strict standards for who I allow into my life, so where do you stand on XYZ?”
Her answer must “qualify” her as a viable romantic prospect for you, or else you’ll politely go your own way.
And that’s a huge part of this…
As the high-value man that you either are today, or are in the process of becoming, you must walk away when a woman doesn’t meet the high standards you hold for a romantic partner.
So, if she fails to live up to those standards, you’ll wish her well, but then continue on your way, looking for a woman who does meet those standards.
And you’ll do this even if she’s gorgeous!
Being beautiful is not enough. She must bring more to the table.
Think of it this way…
Her beauty is what got you to approach and stick around through Stages One and Two, but her character/personality is what it will take for her to pass Stage Three.
So, How Do You Do Ask Women to Qualify Themselves?
There all sorts of ways.
It could be big-picture, like…
So, what’s something different about you? What’s your thing?
The unspoken question is “why are you more interesting than the other girls I could be dating?”
If she pushes back on this question, a follow up would be…
“Well, I just tend to enjoy being around people who are doing interesting, cool stuff with their lives.”
With that phrasing, she either needs to find an answer for you, or she risks appearing “not interesting or cool.” She doesn’t want that.
Your qualifying questions can be far more specific.
Let’s say that in your conversation with her, “being late” somehow comes up.
A qualifying question would be you asking (with a playful tone):
Wait, you’re not one of these girls who’s always late, are you?”
You can feel the subtext…
“If you are a girl who’s always late, I’m going to judge you poorly.”
If a woman is liking you and chasing you, she will be quick to qualify herself here…
“No, I’m usually on time. Especially when it’s something important.”
You can do this with all sorts of things…
Here’s another example about selfies…
“I’m hoping you’re not one of these women who takes 5,000 selfies a day and spends hours debating which one to post on Instagram.”
Or you can be more direct about your qualifying…
“Exercise is really important to me. Is that something that you do?”
Big-picture, qualifying isn’t a gimmick.
It’s about compatibility.
Think about the things that are important to you in your life.
Everything from values, to activities, to fun, leisure hobbies.
Won’t it be important that the woman in your life shares at least a basic compatibility with you on these things?
If so, then ask her about them. If she has good answers, then she qualifies herself for more of your time. If not, see you later.
The bottom-line mindset that must permeate all of your behavior is…
“I’m not sure about you yet. I know how much value I bring to the table. I’m trying to determine how much value you bring to see if we’re compatible.”
The Added Benefit of Qualifying a Woman
Unfortunately, not all women are going to be into you.
Qualifying helps you figure out which women these are.
A moment ago, we used this qualifying question…
Wait, you’re not one of these girls who’s always late, are you?”
A woman who is attracted to you and wanting to put her best foot forward would seek to reassure you that she’s not always late.
With that in mind, what if her response was actually…
“Yeah, I am always late. So?”
Unless she said that in an obviously-flirty tone with a grin on her face, then what’s happening is she’s making no effort to qualify herself.
Translation – she’s not very interested in you.
So, qualifying isn’t just a tool, it’s also a test.
If you make repeated attempts to get a woman to qualify herself to you and she’s having none of it, your work is cut out for you.
Unless you enjoy a big challenge, you probably want to cut bait and find someone who has a higher attraction level for you.
The Mindset at the End of Stage Three
To be clear, Stage Three isn’t just qualifying. Instead, that’s simply the new addition.
You’re still teasing and flirting… using push/pull… sprinkling in real, quality questions amidst your fun, “banter” conversation, and so on…
And it’s important to stress that you’re only asking a few qualifying questions, not an endless laundry list like she’s applying for a job.
However, in a sense, she is applying to be someone you allow into your life, so it is appropriate to screen her, which is exactly what qualifying questions are.
Just don’t overdo it.
Now, if everything has gone according to plan, then by the end of Stage Three, your qualifying has done two things:
One, it’s given her the feeling of chasing you, even if just subtly, which is the dynamic needed to grow her attraction for you.
Two, her answers to your qualifying questions have provided evidence that she is, in fact, trying to prove herself to you – which means she’s at least minimally receptive to your romantic advances.
So, Stage Three generally ends with your conclusion – whether stated or inferred through your actions – that she’s actually “measured up” and you view her as different than other women.
To be clear, you’re not going overboard. You don’t want her thinking that she’s “gotten” you. Remember, women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.
The verbal example of the point I’m making that we used earlier is…
“I wasn’t planning on making this type of connection with anyone tonight, but here we are. Isn’t life funny.”
Notice that you’re not barfing up some sugary profession of your love to her… you’re not suffocating her with cheesy compliments… you’re not even saying you want to take her on a date…
You’re simply recognizing her as being a bit different in a good way, and the connection you two just formed is also unique and different in a good way.
Another, slightly more teasing way you could say this is…
“You know, I wasn’t sure about you at first. But you’re actually really interesting. I’m glad our paths crossed tonight.”
Make sense?
(We'll get to the physical way that Stage Three ends - a kiss, getting number, or going on an instant date - shortly.)
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NOTE: At this point in the full course, there’s an assignment that covers qualifying, and how to create qualifying questions that reveal whether a woman is a good fit for you and your interests. To switch over to the full version, click here.
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