Of all the different approach styles, the best one – taking into account all the pros and cons of each – is the “Spontaneous” Approach.
For example, you’re at a bar with your friends. The cute girl beside you accidentally bumps your arm, causing you to spill your drink.
You make a witty comment, she laughs and apologizes, and suddenly you’re in a conversation.
Why is this the best?
Because it’s the most natural, and because you, as the guy, haven’t had to “give away your power” so to speak, by approaching her.
You know what I’m talking about.
When you make that first approach, your action is basically telling her “I find you attractive. I’m interested in you. I’m facing the risk of rejection to come speak with you.”
Your approach gives her leverage over you and the situation.
Now, in an upcoming module, we’ll discuss how you can balance out this power differential. However, wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t need to at all?
Well, that’s the idea being the “Spontaneous” Approach.
In essence, you approach without approaching.
The problem is that because it’s spontaneous, you can’t make it happen. Instead, you simply have to be ready to jump on an opportunity when one arises.
“The opportunity” is simply anything she does that is slightly out of the ordinary, warranting a comment.
She spills her drink
She trips
She’s snorts loudly when she laughs
There are a million things it could be.
But in general, the way to respond to whatever she did is through a playful tease.
We’ll talk more about teasing soon, but for now, just know that it is one of the most powerful tools you have when it comes to attracting women.
So, a simple tease that works in many situations is some version of “That’s a shame. I was going to come introduce myself but…” and then insert whatever spontaneous thing just happened.
In this situation, as usual, the "how" is more important than the "what."
You want to come across as playful, flirty, and confident - the actual line you say is just the vehicle you're using to show her your playfulness and confidence.
For example, as she returns to her friends after using the bathroom, she accidentally drops her beer as she's passing near you. It shatters on the floor.
Wide-eyed and embarrassed, she looks around the bar. When she makes eye contact with you…
You: (with a playful smile and light-hearted tone) “Well, that’s a shame. I was going to come introduce myself a moment ago, but now that I see this…”
If she smiles/laughs, ramp it up…
“Way to ruin what was going to be our amazing 50-year marriage, Goofball.”
And from there, utilize any of the conversation starter techniques we’ll discuss in a moment.
But notice what happened…
You approached her without approaching her...and gave away none of your power.
A Tweak on the Spontaneous Approach
Your comment doesn’t have to be based on something she “does.”
If could be based on, say, her outfit. The necessary component is that your comment feels off-the-cuff and in-the-moment. And again, points if there’s a little tease to it.
For example, I was at a bar once and ran into a woman who was dressed as though she had come from a Kentucky Derby party – she wore a loud, pink dress with ruffles and a big, gaudy hat.
As I walked by her on the way to the bathroom, I stopped and said, “You know, I almost wore that exact same outfit out tonight. Wouldn’t that have been embarrassing for you.”
(Remember, you don't have to be the world's funniest comic. The point is to crack the door open to a conversation.)
From there, it was an easy conversational pivot to why she was dressed that way (the Derby), whether she had bet on the race, since she told me she had won, I continued with the teasing – she owed me a drink with her winnings since she had stolen my outfit…
Or let’s say she’s wearing leather pants on a warm evening.
A “spontaneous” comment could be…
(Said with a playfully-disapproving slant-eyed grin) “Leather pants in this kind of weather is a bold call. I’m curious about the kind of woman who makes that decision.”
Or maybe she's wearing an outfit with lots of bold colors, or it's just noticeably more flamboyant than most other outfits...
Again, with a joking/flirty and expression, you could say "There's a LOT going on with this outfit. But you're almost making it work."
The heart of the Spontaneous Approach is reimagining this woman as a (girl)friend you already know, and feel comfortable with, so you can bust her balls in a light, gentle way.
Look for these opportunities. When they materialize, they’re the best way to begin a conversation with a good-looking woman without giving away any power.
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NOTE: At this point in the full course, there’s an assignment that helps you look for ways to approach in a way that seems spontaneous like this. Again, it relies on observation. To switch over to the full version, click here.
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