In a moment, we’ll get to how to end this first conversation (for example, getting her number or kissing her).
But first, let’s fill in a few holes about some related topics.
Be Prepared for Some Bumpiness After Your Opener
Some women are lovely and easy to talk with. Other women will want nothing to do with you.
You’ll experience both.
During the day, some women will be startled when you approach them, so you’ll get this defensive “I have a boyfriend” as they’re continuing on their way. They’re just not open to a conversation.
At night in a bar, maybe you’ll have a group of girls who are in that party-hearty “WOOOOO!” mindset, and your approach simply won’t match their energy. It’s like the woman will barely register you’re there.
Don’t be bothered by any of this. Some women will be open to your approach, others won’t.
Your job is to make the effort – that’s it.
You don’t have to knock it out of the park every time (and you won’t).
But here’s what’s important…
Don’t let a less-than-desired approach outcome affect your mindset. And if she’s rude, respond with indifference, strength, and humor – not rudeness.
For example, say you approach three women.
You: “Happy Friday. You guys look fun. What are you celebrating this evening?”
Rude Girl: “We’re actually not very fun. You should probably go talk to those girls over there. They seem more fun.”
The average guy might get angry and say something rude back to her… or he could feel defeated and just slink away without saying anything… or he might give her a look like “you’re a bitch” and walk away.
You’re not going to do any of that.
You’re going to be aware that many women have a prickly kneejerk reaction to guys, and you’ll simply remain strong, steady, indifferent, and humorous.
So, you could respond with something like…
You (with an amused grin on your face, speaking to the Rude Girl): “Alright, well, you’re clearly the warm, charming member of y’all’s group here… (turning to another one of the girls, still smiling, still having fun) “…and which one are you?”
You remain calm, centered, and masculine. Your fun evening isn’t impacted one iota by that Rude Girl’s bitchiness.
This is you showing confidence and strength…which women find incredibly attractive.
Too many guys slink away in the first five minutes of a conversation with a new woman because they aren’t emotionally-ready for a little turbulence, and they don’t know what to say in response.
So, three things…
Be ready for the turbulence. It’s normal.
Be ready to respond with confidence and indifference. That’s how you’ll stand out from other guys.
Be ready to stay in the conversation even if it’s slightly awkward at first. That’s how you’ll win the girl.
Further into the Conversation, Be Prepared for Her to Test Your Strength
If you’re doing everything right, you’re presenting yourself as a calm, confident, strong guy.
That’s great – women are attracted to this.
However, women are also aware that men are able to fake these traits to a certain degree. So, whether consciously or not, she might put you in certain circumstances to see whether you’re as confident and strong as you’re presenting yourself to be.
Some guys refer to these situations as “shit tests.”
In short, the way you pass them is by not being bothered by them, or simply ignoring them.
These shit-tests take all sorts of forms…
She’ll say your favorite movie is stupid and try to get you to change your mind… She’ll get pouty for something like not offering to buy her a drink… She’ll point out something about your outfit and make fun of it… She’ll notice a guy across the room and make a comment about how good looking he is… She’ll tell you she has a boyfriend…
If she senses that you’re affected by any of this, it would mean you’re not the calm, confident guy she’s hoping you are – and you’ll fail.
Failure looks like changing your mind and agreeing with her that your favorite movie is stupid (or agreeing with her that her different, favorite movie is better) …
It’s caving in and buying her a drink after you said you didn’t want to…
It’s showing sensitivity or any defensiveness when she pokes fun at you…
It’s showing hurt or poutiness when she says the guy across the room is really hot…
All this stuff shows her you’re not in your strong masculine. As a feminine woman, this will turn her off.
Side note: Buying a girl a drink for a woman isn’t bad. There’s this belief that buying her a drink is somehow giving her the power.
That’s absurd.
If you want to buy her a drink, great. Do it. I buy women drinks all the time.
The difference is if you don’t want to buy her a drink, yet she gets you to change your mind and buy it for her, that’s when it’s bad.
See, the drink isn’t the problem. The problem is her being able to sway you from what you really wanted to do.
Remember, women are attracted to strength. If you initially didn’t want to buy her a drink, but she’s able to get it out of you, you’ve lost strength in her eyes.
But if you’re just being a good dude who’s happy to buy her a drink without any expectation of something in return, buy it and don’t sweat it.
Back to her shit-tests…
So, how do you respond?
You ignore them or respond with playful teasing.
We discussed a “movie” example earlier when we talked about teasing. Here’s a similar one. If she slams your favorite movie, you could say…
You (with a playful smirk): “That’s it – this relationship’s just not working out. I can’t be with someone with such awful taste in movies. Way to ruin what was going to be our amazing 50-year marriage.”
She gets pouty for you not buying her a drink.
Her: “You’re not going to buy me a drink?”
You (per usual, with a playful smirk): “We’ll trade. You buy me some chicken fingers. I buy you a drink. Extra Ranch please.”
In the full course, I go over lots more examples of shit tests that women say, along with specific ways you can respond to pass those shit tests. We also cover what to say when she says, “I have a boyfriend.”
To switch over to the full course, click here.
In all of these examples, do you see what’s happening?
You’re unbothered by all of her comments, so you’re just cracking jokes.
If they annoyed her and she walked away, who cares?
That’s the attitude that passes the shit-tests.
Be Cool to Her Friends, But Don’t Tease or Flirt with Them
This point seems obvious, but so many guys mess it up.
In that first conversation, be nice to her friends. Don’t ignore them. Talk to them. Be interested in who they are.
You’re doing this because you’re a good guy who’s open to meeting new people. But more selfishly, you’re doing this cause if they don’t like you, they’re going to drag your girl away.
They’re the gatekeepers. You need their buy-in.
Lots of time, when they like you, they’ll even help you out.
Now, remember the “pivot” move we discussed earlier. Talk to the whole group for a while, but eventually, step outside the group so that the girl you like the most (who you’re standing beside) has to pivot her body to talk with you.
The effect of this is that she’s still with her friends – they’re going to be okay with you chatting with her cause she’s still right there with them – but now you’ve gotten just a little bit of privacy.
If the girl you like is only with one friend, that makes it harder.
You’re going to have to talk to that friend too, unless she senses what’s up and heads off to find her own guy.
But if she doesn’t do that though, be prepared to spend even more time making this friend feel comfortable with you.
Be nice to her, but do not flirt with her. Save your flirting/teasing for the girl you like. But you can bring the friend into this process.
For instance, as you’re playfully teasing the girl you like, you can turn to the friend and say…
You (speaking to the friend about the girl you like): “I mean, how are you even friends with this girl? You can’t take her anywhere, can you?”
Another option…
You (speaking to the friend about the girl you like): “I’m not sure about her yet, but you’ve got all the dirt. What red flags do I need to know? All of her ex’s still alive?”
Eventually, when this friend is cool with you, you can try to get some alone time with your girl by offering to grab everyone a drink. As part of this, suggest to your girl that she come with you.
By the way, whether or not the girl you like agrees to this will give you a little indication of her interest level.
If Things Don’t Seem to Be Going That Well, When Do You Bail?
A common question from guys is: “When I approach, and a woman isn’t giving me much, how do I know how long to stay in there versus bailing out?”
It’s a legit question.
Lots of women who aren’t really interested will choose being nice over being direct in order to avoid a confrontation.
They’ve seen guys get angry, so they want to avoid that.
But while that’s understandable, you don’t want to waste your night on a woman who’s not interested in you.
So, there are really two parts to the answer: part one covers the first 0-20ish minutes of being with her (that timing isn’t hard and fast); part two is the remainder of your night with her.
For part one, your default should be to hang in there, even if she’s not giving you much.
A woman may be indifferent or cold at the beginning of the conversation. And again, that’s fair – she simply doesn’t know you, and she’s not sure if you’ll be a waste of her time.
So, if things are a bit bumpy early on, hang in there.
In my experience, humor helps a lot. It tends to make her feel more comfortable, and her comfort is really the key to getting her talking more.
If humor isn’t your thing, be a good listener and be curious about her. Either way, just remember your default is confidence, strength, and fun.
But let’s say 20/30 minutes goes by and she’s still not giving much. That leads us to part two. And it’s a judgement call.
But if she’s not reciprocating after a reasonable amount of time, and you’re not seeing any signs of interest through her actions, I say move on.
Or if you’re in a bar, walk away for a while. Go meet other women. Go back to your friends. But let her go - at least temporarily.
I’m aware some guys will argue that you have to be persistent, and be willing to put in the time. My response is – why?
I agree that initial persistence is needed to overcome her automatic “who are you?” coldness. That’s why you hang in there for that first 20-30 minutes.
But spending your entire evening trying to chat up a woman who’s showing no real interest in you?
Why would you want to do that?
Right there in that bar, there are probably plenty of other attractive women who would love to talk with you, and would be way more fun.
And guess what?
You’d probably help your chances with this first woman if she sees you laughing and joking with other women.
It makes you appear more attractive and in-demand.
So, if you’re 30 minutes into the conversation and it’s still painful, politely excuse yourself.
Go talk to your friends. Chat up new girls (hopefully in the sightline of this current girl). Then, eventually, return to her to see what you find.
She might be just as “meh” as before. But don’t be surprised to find her warmer and more open to your advances.
You can decide whether you want to invest any more time in her based on her temperament at that point.
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NOTE: At this point in the full course, there’s an assignment that covers how to pass shit tests in a way that increases her attraction for you. To switch over to the full version, click here.
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